Keeping Me Strong
by WolfSpirit88
Summary: Throughout the years,hardship has riddled Camille's life,tearing her in all directions, from family to friends. Change is easily accepted, considering it's repeated appearances through her life. So as things get harder, it shouldn't change much, right?
1. Relaying The Past

An eight year old version of myself was hiding behind the couch, knees pulled up to their chest, with slightly chubby arms wound around them, trying to pull them closer in an effort to comfort them self further. The shorts worn on their body was on the short side and matched the loose tee-shirt fairly well enough, considering at that time I would probably think purple and yellow may go good together. Their hair was scraggly and out of place, not in any way looking neat or proper, and strands were in front of their face, not that they seemed to care too much. The sound of glass breaking caused the small version of myself to cover their ears, blocking out the sound and whatever voices could be heard. It felt like my own older ears had been clamped over, for the world seemed a lot less noisy. The smaller me's eyes opened to wide and glazed, looking like tears were threatening to fall at any moment. The small body twisted and I could feel my heart leap up into my throat, I would finally know. I would know what had happened. Closer, closer, oh just a little closer! Peering around the side of the worn yellow flowered couch, I saw a flash of brunette hair, blood, and the lingering smell of alcohol.

Blue eyes opening to stare at the ceiling above me, I brought hand up to my fast paced heart and focused on that, hoping it would calm me down to some extent. With my other hand, I wiped the sweat from my forehead, in a futile attempt to see if it at all calmed me down. The only thing it seemed to do was let me skin flare up again at my warm hand against my steaming forehead. After a small while of trying to calm myself down, my panting ceased to what could be called as 'normal natural breathing'. The blanket I had slept with tightly enclosed around me was thrown on the floor, indicating that I had probably moved around a lot in my small dream memory. Picking it up with a shaky hand, I pulled it around me once again and let my head lye back on the pillow, staring at the moon visible through my window. Letting my eyes drift close, I was almost asleep when I heard shuffling in the hall, and what sounded to be a bag dragging along the floor. Being curious as the 12 year old I was, I threw the covers to their temporary spot on the floor and padded to the door, opening it slowly to peek out. There was no movement anymore in the hall, but I let myself wander beyond the comfort of my room to the living room to explore further.

There was my father, the only thing out of place in the whole room, scribbling down on a crinkled piece of paper what appeared to be a note. He paused, and ran a hand through his hair, grim smile plastered onto his lips. Carefully, I crept closer and once I was close enough, basically a step into the actual living room area, I watched his hand shake as he continued to write. There was an envelope beside his hand and I saw the name written loud and clear. Eyes widening, I could feel my heart rate speed up again and the whole room seemed to stop. The letter was half a page and once he had sealed it into the envelope, I dared myself to speak.

"Daddy?" He twisted his neck so quickly to look in my direction it made me jump. Piercing grey matched my sorrowful blue and I watched as he let the envelope, holding a letter that seemed so insignificant at that point, flutter onto the table.

"I can't do this anymore Cami." He said, using my nickname, a supposed term of endearment. Defiantly, I didn't speak and let him come closer, his gaze still locked with mine. I searched through them as best I could, but only saw something of sorrow and a fleeting glint of guilt.

"I tried so hard to get over it, but it isn't working." He spoke once he realised I wasn't going to, "She meant everything to me, I'm sure you know that. We loved each other very much and it's hard to imagine life without her now, still by my side." There was a wistful smile in replace of the grim one a few moments ago. _What are you getting at? What are you saying? _

"You're so strong Cami. Not once did you cry in my presence, even when your grandmother came to the funeral, only to give her condolences to you." This was said with disdain as he took his gaze from mine to look at the floor, "You remained steadfast and refused to break down in front of anybody. You barely talked, not letting anybody get to you or get at you."

"Why are you telling me this?" It was a whisper, compared to his voice that now seemed like a boom echoing through the house moments ago. Wincing, my father kept his gaze locked with the wall over my shoulder and brushed past me. Not wanting to miss out on anything, I followed him and now noticed the bag near the door I'd failed to notice before, which must've been what I'd heard in the hall.

"Where are you going?" I asked once more, my vow of silence broken as I watched him tie the laces on his shoes.

"Away." It was indifferent, as if he was speaking to a stranger. What was wrong?

"To where?" My curiosity was being overthrown by a silent fear. There was more silence, which seemed to follow everything I asked.

"I loved her." He was breaking down, as his grey orbs now shone with unshed tears, "And she's gone because of a stupid accident. There's nothing here for me, I can't bear to be around this house, to be around y-" He stopped and looked away, grabbing his coat from the rack on the door. _From me, the one who looks so much like her in your eyes. _

He turned to the door and I couldn't do anything at that moment, except to watch him open the door, allowing the cold night air to drift into the room. I could feel it wash over my skin in waves and goose bumps raised up on the surface as my skin turned to ice. Without warning, he dropped the bag he'd had in his hands and knelt down to sweep me up into a sweet embrace. I didn't hug him back.

"I love you baby girl." He said, and when I was about to lift up my own arms to hug him back, he was gone. Swept away into the night like a whisper on the wind, the door closing behind him.

---

That had been two years ago, a hard memory for me to recall anymore. If it hadn't been for the landlord coming up to check and see if rent was ready the next day, I'm sure the outcome would've turned out far worse. Without me having to tell her anything, she said that I could still live here, but only if I agreed that her niece and her daughter could live here too. The terms were that I make sure the young girl was ready for school and I was accountable for her at all times. The niece would be busy working and didn't have a whole lot of time to do it. There wasn't any payment involved, except that it would count as rent and food for myself. There wasn't anywhere else I could go, so I agreed. When I told her this, she watched me with her keen eyes and spoke with such concern I almost missed it.

"What about your sister, couldn't you stay with her?" Shaking my head, I told her how my sister was trying to finish up college so she could get a degree in journalism, which was what she'd wanted for most of the time I could remember, and she was doing it at her own house, sending her work to a college professor in another state who agreed to mark it. She went to night classes too. If she had to take care of me, she wouldn't be able to do that. There was an understanding in the woman's eyes.

"Here." She had placed the envelope my father had left on the table in my hand, my name printed on the front in loopy handwriting. Staring at it, I felt my heart break again, but refused to cry. Both of them, they were both gone.

"Why don't you take it." I thrust it at her, but she gently pushed the outstretched hand back towards me and made my fingers circle into a fist around it.

"This is something your father wanted you to have." She was so kind to me, it was unbelievable. That envelope was still in the drawer, where I'd almost stuffed it immediately into once I'd gotten up into my room. I didn't want to know his reasons, or his empty promises, if he'd made any, or his empty words of sorrow. There was no caring in my father for me, so I'd show him none in return.

The landlord told me to call her Emily, rather than the formal name I'd been calling her for the period of time I'd known her. I told her to call me Camille, since it was my full name, and I saw her eyes flash with something unexpected. Maybe she knew the nickname my father called me, and knew I didn't want to be called that.

The past two years have felt like a dream, like I was floating on a cloud that was thinning as each day passed. One day I'd fall and I'd hit the ground hard, but for now I lay on my back and watched the other clouds around me, happy to be on one myself.


	2. Starting My Reality

"Wake up Serenity." I said, shaking her shoulders. Grumbling, she turned away from me and yawned, cuddling into her blankets. Shaking her again, she swatted my hands away and told me in a few descriptive words to go away.

"Your going to be late for work." I commented, sending her turning to the clock and then bounding out of the bed into the bathroom, where I knew a shower would be running soon. Putting the pillows back in their original places before they had been flung around by the abrupt move, I threw the blanket on, smoothed it out and left it as it was.

Heading down to the kitchen, I noted it was in complete disarray and knew I would have to clean it up later. Searching through the pantry, I found the pancake mix and brought that down, along with a bowl and a wire whisk. Humming as I opened the fridge door, I brought out the eggs and milk, ending up having to close the door with my foot. Following the directions, I whisked it all up at the end, making sure the pan on the stove was hot, and started to cook them. It made me think of my mother at that moment, she use to make pancakes all the time, for Amber and I before we went to school. She was quite pushy on the prospects of eating breakfast.

"You do too much." The voice made me jump and slop more mix onto the pan than necessary.

"It's nothing, sit down. They're almost done and I'm making coffee." Gesturing with one hand to where I had started the coffee, which had been before I had woken her up. Gratefully, she sat down and rested her tired head in her arms, her wet hair clinging to the skin. Watching her, I realized how tired she must really be. Having to go to work at 7:00 a.m. and getting back at 9:00 p.m. or later had to be tough, I don't even know why they kept her that late, but it had to be for some reason or another. She had told me that she worked at the hospital, and they had to keep her late. It was a little mind-boggling. She was only a nurse… but the hours were still so late.

Piling the pancakes on a plate, I set them on the middle of the table, and two were gone almost immediately off the top. Serenity dug into them, seemingly happy. Seeing that the coffee was ready, I set it in front of her and preceded to head upstairs, to get changes from my P-J's into something more comfortable.

Making sure to call a 'have a good day at work' over my shoulder, before I went up the stairs, to Serenity though.

Opening the door, I yawned and rubbed at my eyes, seeing if it would wake me up at all. Unfortunately, it proved not to and I felt even more sleepy as I stared at my comforting bed. This had become a normal routine, but I still wasn't use to the early mornings, since I had always had problems getting to sleep at night.

After searching through my messy closet, and finding an appropriate outfit, I ran a brush through my hair and applied some make-up. Eye shadow, mascara, eye liner, nothing too overboard really. Turning to see if I could find where I'd put my eyeliner, my eyes landed on my bedside table, where the letter still lay in the bottom drawer, and I could feel my hand itch to open it. No, I repeated, I didn't need that, I didn't need to see it. Averting my eyes to the clock, I saw it was about 8:00, Serenity probably left at 7:30, since they had said she could come in a little later today... So I must've been in here for at least half an hour, a little hard to believe.

Swiftly carrying myself across the hall, I creaked open the door to Samantha's bedroom and let the hall light flood in, along with the natural light already filling the room from the window. Sitting down on the edge of her bed, I brought one hand down to shake her shoulder gently, watching as her brown eyes fluttered open. With a yawn, she sat up, rubbing her own eyes.

"Mornin'." I said gently, not trying to jolt her too suddenly from her recent sleep.

"Mornin'." Sam replied to me and looked at her closet, then back up at me. Putting my hands up in defence, and telling her I was going to leave anyway, I left the room and yelled over my shoulder she should hurry. There was about an hour and half before she was heading over to Julie's.

Making my way downstairs, I saw the pancakes still on the plate, only about two left, and knew they were cold already. Half heartedly munching on one, I got out the cereal and milk for Sam, since I knew she had no real interest in eating these cold flat disks.

"Have you eaten?" She asked, sitting down at the breakfast table. I hadn't, except for that one pancake I'd just finished, but I didn't tell her that. Nodding my head, I set a bowl on the table, along with a spoon, and took away the plate with the one pancake, deciding it didn't appeal to me that much either. Turning the tap on, adding a small amount of dish soap, I watched as the bubbles sprung up and the sink filled. Letting the dishes slink into the water, I turned the water off and decided to let them soak.

"What are you doing over at Julie's?" I asked Sam, turning to lean against the counter.

"Nothing really, just normal girl stuff." She shrugged. Despite her off hand manner, I could tell she was a little excited about the plan. Julie was a nice girl and I saw no reason why she hadn't gone over there for awhile. It was out of my hands though, for when I'd told Serenity about what I'd thought, she told me to leave it as is and it would work itself out. It seems that it had. There wasn't really anything else to talk about, so I turned my attention to the crumbs scattered on the counter from last night. Wiping it off with one hand into my other cupped hand, I threw them into the garbage and found myself bored again.

Upon seeing Sam was done with her cereal, I took her bowl and spoon, "You ready?"

"Yeah. I just gotta put my shoes and my coat on and I'll be ready to go." She said, getting up and going into the living room. Was it just me or was she acting a little distant? Either I was paranoid, or something was going on. I could deal with it later and went to put my own shoes and jean jacket on because I did have to walk her over there.

"Let's go." said I and she nodded, already having opened the door and waiting for me.

---

"Have fun!" I said cheerfully to Sam as she ran inside the house with Julie, leaving me at the door with Julie's mom, or Rain as she had wanted me to call her.

"Any plans?" I asked, finding nothing else to say. Rain wiped her brow and straightened out her shirt.

"No, just staying at home doing housework and making sure the girls don't get themselves into any trouble." She chuckled, her hands on her hips as she looked over her shoulder.

"Good luck." I laughed, already heading my way down the porch steps, waving a goodbye. Rain shut the door and I was alone once again. With a sigh, I headed forward down the street and managed to come upon the lot, as most people had been known to call it. Sending a glance over it, I saw a group standing in the corner and to my horror, or surprise, I wasn't sure, I saw my sister standing off to the right. She was watching me and my stomach suddenly churned, I didn't want to talk to her. Or I couldn't. Despite the 2 years that had passed, she still didn't know about dad leaving, and I really had no desire to inform her of it.

Deciding to just keep walking on my way, it would've worked fine and peachy, if Two-Bit hadn't come along. The only reason I knew Two-Bit was because Sam sometimes hung out with his younger sister, and he'd been home one time when I'd come to drop her off. He seemed like an okay guy, funny, maybe a little too… crazy?

"Hey Camille!" Two-Bit said, giving me a goofy grin, his eyes sparkling.

"Hi." I said nervously, resisting the urge to bolt. His gaze turned to the field and just my luck, he spotted my sister staring at us.

"Comin'?" He asked, as he started to walk towards the group. I couldn't really refuse now. I didn't want my sister to think I didn't want to see her, and I'm sure Two-Bit would say something if I said no.

"Yeah." I muttered, starting to walk along beside him.


	3. A Final Confrontation?

Her eyes were burning holes in my skull and I wanted to snap at her to stop, but resisted as best I could. There were the Curtis' (Darry, Ponyboy, and Sodapop), Steve, Johnny, and Dally. Two-Bit was obviously there, considering I'd walked over with him and saw Sandy and Evie standing by Amber, both of them staring at me too.

"How ya been doing?" Sodapop asked, that grin on his face made me smile, despite how much I didn't want to.

"Fine I guess, been busy." I shrugged, trying not to sound like I cared all that much.

"School's going good?" Darry nodded in my direction.

"As good as school can get I guess." Once again I tried to shrug it off, it was starting to get harder and harder to ignore my sister's stare.

"How's… that journalism thing going?" I asked, trying to see if it would lighten the mood at all. She seemed to love it before. It surprised me to see her flinch and turn her gaze to the ground. The air was tense and I shivered, not liking it.

"How could you ask that?" Evie shouted at me, causing me to flinch. _What did I say that was so bad? _

"She didn't know." My sister spoke, almost speaking up for me.

"She should have." Was Evie's retort. Flinching again, I realized how far apart we'd actually gotten, my sister and I. It had been almost a year since we last talked or saw each other. Everyday I told myself that I should call her or go over to her house, but stopped myself.

"What… happened?" My words were careful. A glare from Evie and downcast look from Sandy to Amber, caused me to regret my question.

"My writing wasn't good enough, no one would take my work." That was pretty bad, but I found a confidence flaring up in me.

"That can't be true! You're a great writer!" It was a protest, to try and tell her I cared. It backfired.

"How would you know." Her eyes clashed with mine defiantly and I found myself staring into the grey eyes possessed by my father, that had been passed to her. An unwanted memory flared up in my mind and I struggled to push it away, but it came quickly and I found myself reliving it for a brief moment before snapping back and looking away.

"You never visited or called me or anything." Her eyes were glazed, with both tears and anger. "You're probably having the best time ever, having a parent who still loves you and cares for you. I lost both mom and dad! You selfish brat!" _I lost them too! _I wanted to cry out so bad, but I didn't and continued to look at the ground.

"You haven't even tried to get him to try and talk to me again have you?" She yelled at me and I winced horribly. I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't tell her he'd left. It hurt me at what she was saying, but it would hurt more to tell her and make her feel guilty about everything.

"No." Her eyes hardened, she would never know I was trying to protect her.

"I bet you'll both have a good laugh at my expense. Oh look, Amber failed, just like we knew she would." That hurt more than anything, her doubting me about supporting her.

"I would never do that." Protesting again, a lot of good that did me.

"Sure you wouldn't." Snorting, she looked up at me, her back straightening. My eyes were cast to the ground still, not daring to look her in the eye. Not those eyes, anything but those eyes that reminded me of that last encounter.

"Just leave." Amber said, gritting her teeth. I couldn't leave, not on this note.

"But-" I took a step closer in an attempt to get to her, but an arm was held out in front of me and I looked to it's owner.

"Let her cool off." I watched her standing there, hostile glares thrown towards me. Her stress was because of me, the little sister who she thought didn't care. I'd always cared, always, but I couldn't tell her that either.

"If you really want me to stay out of your life."

"I do." She interrupted.

"Then I'll stay away." Turning on my heel, I walked off as quick as I could, without trying to look rushed. The unshed tears slipped down my cheeks, unbeknownst to any of them. The sidewalk reached my feet quickly and I was already speed walking down the sidewalk, keeping my head down. I didn't look up until I was at least two blocks away from all of them. Wiping my cheeks, I rubbed my eyes and reprimanded myself, trying to stop the crying.

Upon walking into the kitchen, I walked over to the sink and started to do the dishes.

The water was cold.

**AU: Hey, people who read this story... would you mind reviewing, please? I love writing this story, but a little appreciation wouldn't hurt right? Sorry if I sound a little of an attention seeker, but one review would do it, just to know somebody's reading. I don't put limits on my chapters to how many reviews I have to recieve in order to post again, so i'm going to keep doing so, but could you review anyway please? I know somebody's looking at these chapters, the hits say so. So... yeah. **

**thanks **


	4. Fated To Change

Finishing the dishes, deciding to just wash them in the cold water instead of wasting more to get it hotter, I dried my hands off on a towel and started to clear the kitchen, seeing as it was still in the same predicament it had been in that morning. Everything had to be re-organised in the cupboards and they had to be cleaned too. It was going to be a long day with all this. Trying to decide what to tackle first, I reasoned to myself that the cupboards would be best, since I could always wash the counters after. Spices were attacked first and I found myself throwing out half the bottles, considering they were empty. At the back there was a piece of paper, folded and stained with what looked like paprika that had been rubbed into it. Picking it up, it crinkled in my hands and I wondered vaguely if it might turn into dust.

Deciding to investigate into it later, I pushed it by the newly washed dishes and continued on. Once that was done and it was all washed, I put everything back and moved onto the next one, completely forgetting about the old piece of paper. Once everything was done, I washed off the counters and continued to make sure everything was put away and clean. By the time I was done, it was 1:00 in the afternoon and I found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen, rubbing my forehead with the back of my hand. Wandering into the living room, I plopped myself onto the couch and turned on the stereo, turning up the music so it was pounding through the floorboards.

Not caring what the neighbours thought, knowing they wouldn't do anything about it anyway, I listened to the music continue on at the high volume and nodded my head in time to the beat, drowning myself in it. I couldn't do it when Serenity was home because she liked the peace and quiet more than anything. Her daughter was the same way added to the fact that she also liked to read and background music didn't help. Staring at the clock, I saw that there was about another hour or so before I had to go over there and make sure that Rain was doing okay with watching them, after all, they could be a handful. Apparently Amelia was heading over there too and I had to talk to her about our project, since she would be moving within the next month. A grimace formed on my lips as I remembered the conversation we'd had about her moving. We'd been friend since grade eight and now that she was moving, I knew I wouldn't see her very often, if at all.

Pulling myself up off the couch, I grabbed my shoes from the front and went to the living room, sitting down on the couch once again. After tying them up, I sat there impatiently for a moment, tapping my fingers on my knee as I waited for the song to end, knowing if I didn't it would keep running through my head. Finally, I turned off the stereo and headed out, making sure to lock the door behind me and that I had the key safely in my pocket. Shivering, I tried to pull my sweatshirt closer around me, but it did nothing and when it eventually started to downpour, I slung the hood over my head and kept trudging along, cursing the sky for letting all the water come down.

The walk there seemed longer than before as water soaked through my shoes as I stepped through deeper and deeper puddles, whether it seemed that way because last time I was thinking a lot or got preoccupied with something, I wasn't sure. It didn't take long for me to notice the mustang following me, the headlight blurring from the pelting rain. Concluding that they must think I'm a boy since the sweatshirt was rather baggy and the hood blocked any view of who I was. Ignoring them, I continued to walk and was coming up on an intersection when they passed me and with common sense on my side, I knew they'd try to cut me off. As soon as their car stopped a ways in front of me, blocking my path, I realized this was so and turned to run, not waiting around. Footsteps splashed behind me and I probably guessed they had the car coming around to try and corner me again. Cutting across the street, I hooked a left and ran smack dab into somebody, pushing myself back. I tried to run again, but they had a lock on my upper arm. _I thought when Soc's jumped you, they weren't suppose to be this smart. _

"Where ya goin grease?" The one said and I felt him twist my wrist, letting out a cry as he did so. Yanking myself away I went to run again but ran into someone else, who soon had me pushed up against the wall of the building behind us, punching me in the stomach once, causing me to have the wind knocked out of me. They sure were taking there sweet time in beating me up if that's what they wanted.

"What should we do with this one? He seems kinda quiet." One questioned, a nervous edge to his voice as if he didn't want to really be there. I'd never gotten jumped before, so I wasn't sure what exactly went on, although I'm sure everybody can make up something they guess could happen, but I could guess that they didn't usually get to talk about. Maybe if I stayed still and didn't say anything they'd leave me alone. The splashing and pitter patters of raindrops on both the sidewalk and onto water seemed to both comfort me and unnerve me.

"You're a little far out of your territory, don't ya think?" I said, mentally reprimanding myself for speaking. Almost on reflex, one of them slugged me in the cheek and I fell to the side, the hood staying plastered to my head.

"Shut your mouth greaser." A kick in the stomach caused me to groan and grab my stomach. Whether it was because of my more feminine voice they had recognised or maybe the way I was acting, one yanked off my hood, roughly, revealing my face.

"Shit, it's a girl!" He exclaimed and they beat it out of there. No one was around, so I didn't see why they would. Either way, I was relieved they had left. There was no extensive injuries, so I figured they must've been going on the easy side. Standing up, I put my feet one in front of the other and continued on my way to Rain's, where I would find everyone I needed to. Nothing was really hurting me enough to cause me to want to stop or even think about what had just happened. A minor lapse in judgement is what I would call it later.

Not bothering to knock on the door, since I knew they would know I was coming, I stumbled inside and managed to get as much water as humanely possible inside with me.

"Close the door for Christ's sake!" Rain exclaimed as she came over, handing me a towel to dry off. I had completely forgotten to put my hood back up and now my whole head was soaked through to my scalp. Rubbing and ringing out the water as best I could, I pulled off my sweater, hung it up, threw off my shoes, and took a deep breath before walking into the living room. Amelia was on the couch waiting, sitting there like usual, looking over the pages on the table. Sitting down beside her as quickly as I could, we left small talk for after, considering that we needed to get all this stuff done for school and everything else.

First, we went over the last project we were suppose to do together for the end of the semester. It was huge, and something it would be very hard for me to do on my own. We had split up the whole thing, so Amelia could get her part done before she went. With a passing feeling of guilt, I remembered that my half of the project was half done, lying on my desk collecting dust. She handed me the thick wad of paper, and told me that it was all done, and all I had to do was proof-read it and make sure it tied in good enough with everything else. The rest would be left up to me.

"That's it." She said, her eyes passing over to the box in the corner. "And that's some of your stuff I kept over the years, I figured you would want it back." My attention didn't even flit over to it nor did my mind even let it enter my thought train.

"Yeah, I guess…" My voice drifted off, I knew she had to go soon and I wasn't sure how to say goodbye to her.

"How's life goin' anyway?" Amelia said, trying to lighten the mood. The rain outside occupied the silence space, along with the laughter drifting down from upstairs.

"There's really no point in using such common terms. I know you have to leave soon." I said, wincing at how blunt and formal it sounded. Hurt flashed in her eyes before she turned to the clock and stood.

"Yeah, you're right." Standing up with her, I walked her to the door and watched, not saying anything as she put on her shoes. I can't remember a time when we'd been in each others presence and it had been this sullen.

"You'll call me right? Once you get settled in?" I asked as she put on her coat, pausing to answer me.

"Of course, you can tell me how we did on the project and how everybody's doing." It sounded a little desperate than anything.

"Yeah, I will." We didn't have to say goodbye, we'd still talk and I guess that was enough for us.

"Bye."

"Bye." And then she was gone. Rain walked in from the kitchen and caught me staring at the door, tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"It'll be alright. You'll still talk, it'll be like old times." Despite the reassuring words, I knew they were empty. Nothing would be as it was before. It was like when my father left, I don't know when he is coming back, or if he ever will, and I don't even know where he is. There were many differences between the two, since I would talk with Amelia and I knew where she was going, but all the same.

It would never be like old times.


	5. Meeting Again

It ended up raining so hard that I decided that Sam and I should probably spend the night at Rain's, figuring it would be more safe than walking home. When I brought it up with Rain, she looked at me like I'd grown two heads.

"Of course! If you'd decided to leave, than I would've made you stay anyway." That was settled and I'd just now been told that it wasn't just Sam and Julie anymore, that Emma, who just happened to be Two-Bit's little sister, was over too. The three of them would all camp out in Julie's room and I would be left with the couch, which I didn't care too much for. It was old and hurt my back all the time, but I couldn't complain about it. It already seemed like I was asking too much anyway. The house was small, not all that big enough for accommodating five people.

"I just have to walk over to my house and leave a note for Serenity, she'll be home late and I won't be able to really call her." Rain looked worried about me going into the storm, but I reassured her I would be okay and it would only take five minutes. Besides, driving me over there would be worse than walking, and having to deal with a worried, and infuriated, Serenity when she found out I didn't leave a note saying we were staying at Rain's would be the ultimate worse scenario.

I was immediately pelted with water as I stepped out from under the porch overhang and gloomily walked down the street, shoving my hands in my pockets to try and keep them warm. My shoes were soaked once again by the time I got there and my hands were frozen as I searched around in both my pockets for my key. Where was it!? I couldn't have lost it, I was sure I had it. Thinking back to before, I realized it must've fallen out of my pocket when those guys attacked me. Looking around, I spotted the newspaper at my feet and picked it up, taking out the inside that wasn't so wet. The protruding doorframe held a pen in case something like this happened. Writing down a quick message on a particularly blank piece, I stuck the paper through the nail jammed into the door and was on my way back, knowing there really wasn't anything else I could do.

Once I returned back, Rain was standing in the doorway looking at me with concern and a bit of relief.

"What?" I asked, stepping inside, expecting to feel a blast of warmth, but receiving the same temperature outside. The three girls were sitting on the stairs, bundled in coats and sniffling.

"The heater broke, one of the repair guys is on his way over. This house is so poorly insulated it got cold fast. I thought of going over to your house… but it seemed too far away. It's been almost an hour since you left." Rain said, shivering despite the warm coat she had. I couldn't help but shake as the cold finally got to me too.

"We can't keep them here." I said, gesturing to the girls, keeping my voice irregularily low. I was worried about them getting sick.

"I know. That's why I called Angie, Emma's mom, and she said that she was having the same problem, but the Curtis' seemed okay, that was where Two-Bit was. I called Darry up and he said that you and the girls could stay over there until the heater was fixed." Stifling a groan, I nodded and the girls got up to come over to me, Sam grabbing on to one of my slick hands while the other two stayed close.

"What about you?" I asked, bending down to do up a few of the buttons on Sam's coat that had come loose. She smacked my hand away lightly and did it herself, since my hands were so numb with cold already. I think she might've become tired at me babying her sometimes.

"I'll stay here until everything's done. If worse comes to worse, I'll go over to Wendy's, she has a couch I could stay on, and she only lives two doors down." Deciding not to argue, I scowled and stood up again, getting ready to usher the girls out the door.

"I'll call you in two hours to see how it's going, okay?" She nodded and I walked out the door, The girls walking in front of me, causing me to slow down my ordinary pace. They were huddled together and I was guessing they had been doing that since before I got back.

When we arrived, I was starting to sneeze and hoped that I wasn't catching a cold, it was bad enough that I had been getting headaches lately. Knocking on the door, Darry answered immediately and let us in, telling Sodapop to grab some blankets and a towel. Sam and Julie grabbed the first blanket and wrapped it around them, waiting for Emma to get all her extra clothing off before allowing her to come into the warmth they were generating.

"Why don't you go sit on the couch." I told them and they agreed full-heartedly, shuffling into the room where I heard the TV going. Sodapop handed me the towel and I thanked him, pulling off my sweater before accepting it and drying off my hair again. The hood had been soaked through so much it had gotten to my hair. Relishing in the warmth, I thanked Darry for his hospitality and he told me to think nothing of it.

"Would you have anything I could drink?" I asked, kicking off my wet shoes and hoping I didn't sound rude at all.

"Just go scavenge in the fridge, you'll find somethin' there." Sodapop grinned at me, and I smiled back before walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge. Staring right at me was chocolate milk and I happily took it out, looking through all the cupboards before finding a cup, and poured myself a glass. Turning around, I was surprised to see Ponyboy staring at me from his seat at the kitchen table. Gulping what I had in my mouth, I smiled at him.

"I didn't see you there."

"I guessed that." He said, smiling at me and putting his book down. Taking a seat beside him, I tried to start up a conversation and it worked somehow, we eventually got on the subject of how we both disliked the socials teacher, Mr. Elliot. Laughing, I took another sip of my chocolate milk and was about to say something else when Sam came in and looked at me with puppy dog eyes, Julie and Emma trying to follow suit.

"Oh no." I muttered, Ponyboy looking bewildered, before trying to hide his laughter as he realized what they were doing. Meanwhile, I tried not to look into their eyes.

"What?" I asked, realizing they hadn't said anything.

"Could we do your hair?" I glared at Ponyboy as he tried to hold in more of his laughter that was beggingm, and beginning, to pour out. Sam turned her eyes up onto maximum and I found myself pulling on a strand of my hair. It wasn't that long, but long enough for Sam to do crazy things with it.

"Please, "She begged, "we're bored." Making the mistake of turning to tell her no, I opened my mouth, but what came out was completely different from what I'd wanted to say.

"In a bit." They cheered and ran back into the living, leaving me to slam my head into a wall, metaphorically of course. Ponyboy finally burst out laughing while I glared at him, playfully hitting him with his book.

"It's not funny." I pouted as he finally got a hold of his laughter and stared into my eyes, grinning.

"You gave in."

"You would've too." I retorted, playfulness glinting in my own eyes as I said so. Ponyboy and I were friends, in a way, and we'd get along a lot when we were one on one. He wasn't in a lot of my classes at school, only one or two, so it had been by chance that I'd met him. I'd walked into the English class a little late and there were so many Soc's I wasn't sure where to sit. Seeing a greaser sitting by himself, and figuring it was safer to sit by him than anybody else. Eventually, I found myself talking casually with him and not awkwardly at all. He seemed a bit shy at times, but once you got him talking, he wasn't so bad. I'd found out his name was Ponyboy, same as he found out my name was Camille, and at first I'd thought it was kind of weird… but got over it and realized I'd never meet another Ponyboy.

"What are ya'll talkin' bout in here?" Sodapop said, coming in and grinning at us. I had a feeling there was an underlying feeling, but chose to ignore it.

"Just random things." I said, before Ponyboy could speak up. Sodapop shrugged and took a glass of chocolate milk with him before he left, messing up Ponyboy's hair before leaving the room.

Giggling at him, I downed the rest of my chocolate milk and set the glass in the sink.

"I guess I better go get this over with." I sighed, waving to Ponyboy before I left into the living room.


	6. Irrational Acts

Tugging at my hair, I yanked out another knot and found myself biting my lip as I undid the braid. For the last hour or so, the three girls had worked on my hair and done a bad job of it. I'd told them it had looked great, when, really, it was pretty bad. Making them sad wouldn't do anything either and letting them do this took their minds off the storm before they went to sleep. The rain was almost obscuring vision when you looked outside and I hoped Rain wasn't freezing to death. There was the short rumble of thunder and I feared for a brief moment that the electricity might go out.

Which reminded me, I was suppose to call Rain about now. Getting one braid out, I ran my hands through my hair to try and get the rest out as I stared into the bathroom mirror, ignoring my aching scalp from all the tugging. I repeated the same procedure onto the next one, although I could've sworn this one was worse than the other and wondered vaguely how someone could mess a braid up that bad, despite the fact I remembered the braids I had tried when I was smaller. Once they were both done, I analyzed myself in the mirror. The braids had been in long enough to create small soft waves in my hair, and despite the previous aches, I had to admit it did look kinda nice. Giving a small nod of my head, I went downstairs in order to get the couch set up. Apparently, there was an extra room upstairs that the girls were going to be sleeping in, so I got the pleasure of sleeping on the couch. It was just such a pleasure.

Mostly everyone had left and it seemed rather quiet now, other than the purring engines of cars as they passed the house and the still pounding rain. Two-Bit would've stayed, but he seemed worried about his mom being home freezing. She had apparently had a night off, so he decided to go and wait with her. Sitting down, I sunk down slightly and shifted to get slightly more comfortable as I leaned back. Surveying the room, I found myself tapping my fingers on my knee and realized with annoyance that I wasn't tired in the slightest. When I finally got bored enough to actually get up and do something, I searched for the phone. Upon finding it, I dialled Rain's number and hoped no one would mind me using the phone this late.

"Hello?" She sounded like she was shivering from the way her voice wavered.

"Rain! Hi." I said, trying to not show the worry through my voice, even though the restraints were cracking.

"Hey, how are the girls?" She sounded relived that I had called, so she could see how everyone was.

"They're good. They went to bed, but I'm not sure they're exactly sleeping." I said, my eyes darting in the direction to where I knew their room was.

She sighed, "That's good." A lump rose in my throat for some unknown reason and I forced it down. The reason was unsure, but I knew it had something to do with my mother.

"Yeah." It came out in a breezy sigh. Before she could speak again, I spoke first, "Has the repairman come?" Silence. Then the answer came in a heavy rush.

"No, but I'm sure he's on his way and there's no reason to worry, I'm doing fine." I doubted it from the way she sniffled right after.

"I could come over and wait for a bit with you."

"No, no." She breathed, "It's fine. You stay where you are." I wanted to tell her that I wanted to come, not that I felt obligated too.

"Oh, okay." More silence and I heard the fridge door open in the kitchen.

"If you're doing okay, I guess I better… go." I found myself hesitating.

"Yeah, I'll call there in the morning to see how everyone is."

"Alright." There was a click on the other line alerting me she had hung up. I held it there for a second before replacing it on the cradle, keeping my hand there maybe a second too long. I walked into the living room and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Ponyboy placing a blanket and pillow on the couch, turning to cast a smile at me.

"Darry forgot to bring some down." I nodded, walking over to sit down, and running my fingers through my hair, searching for unknown knots.

Grinning, Ponyboy said, "I see you finally got the braids out." To which I blushed and nodded, feeling a little self-conscious that all the guys had seen me like that.

"It took awhile though." Leaning back, I reached one hand over and pulled the blanket over, cuddling it around me. The pillow fell to the floor without the slightest noise. Ponyboy turned to go back to his room, from what I was guessing, but hesitated. It was strange, and I saw him almost give a shake of his head.

"Goodnight." I said, watching him.

"Night." He called over his shoulder and left, leaving me alone. Once again, the silence was occupied by the screeching of brakes, which I found myself tensing at, and then the roar of speed before it faded away. It felt awkward, to be sitting here in someone else's house, and nothing feeling different. Something should feel different, I was out of my comfort zone. Staying at a house i'd never been to before, it should feel a little nerve racking, I should feel somwhat apprehensive.

I didn't.

A crack of thunder sounded and then a flash of lightening illuminated the room slightly after, a small yelp erupted from my mouth as I jumped and hugged the blanket closer.

"I'm not afraid of storms." I said firmly, closing my eyes and trying to breath steadily. It was an irrational fear, I couldn't be afraid of storms. I couldn't remember the last storm we'd had here. It wasn't that I was afraid necessarily either, it reminded me of something. I could never put my finger on it, but it was the lightning, the sudden brightness and the streak it made through the night, cutting through the black sky.

Pulling myself together, I leaned over to grab the pillow and placed it against the edge of the couch, getting up to turn off the lamp before laying down on my side and trying to get to sleep. It didn't come easy and I was tossing and turning for awhile before I found a comfortable enough spot. Even then, I stared at the gray tinted room, trying to think of something that may help me to fall asleep, but I couldn't think of anything for the longest time.

--

When I opened my eyes, I felt drowsy and less inclined to get off the couch and do anything. It was still dark out, so the room was bathed with the black air. That's when I started to think of my own parents without any warning, how lonely i'd felt after mom had died, and even more so after dad had left. There'd been a week where I was by myself, before Sam and Serenity had moved in, and I had barely eaten anything. There'd been a point where someone had called and when I picked up the phone, I recognised the voice. After a few seconds where I didn't answer, they hung up and I held the phone to my ear until the flat beep told me of what had happened. That voice i'd recognised then, but know I couldn't put my finger on it anymore.

Hadn't Ponyboy's parent's been killed too? That's right, it had been in a car accident, not that long ago either. None of those boys showed how sad they were, I wish I could be like that. The pain of both my parents being gone still felt like a snake had wrapped itself around my heart and constricted at the most random times, whenever it felt like it. My sister must've felt like this when Mom died, and then when Dad discarded her because he didn't like what she wanted to become. The fight rang in my ears, the raised voices and then the slamming of the door as Amber left, not bothering to gather any of her belongings. In the middle of the night, she'd come through her bedroom window, I had heard her.

"What are you doing?" I had asked from the doorway, yawning and rubbing my eyes. She had turned to me and didn't answer. It was a stupid question, I knew what she was doing. Without another word, I had walked to her closet and took out the shirts, starting to fold them so she could pack them. It had been more or less an hour of silence before we were done, and then she had thrown the bag out the window, ready to follow it herself.

"Camille?" Amber stopped, refusing to look at me though. "Try to, try to get dad to understand, please? You know he won't listen to me."

"I promise." I had replied, thinking that he would listen to me and then Amber would be welcomed back with open arms, the family dispute forgotten. It was naive thinking and I shouldn't have been surprised when he refused to let her back. I had broken my promise and that's why Amber wouldn't talk to me. It was understandable, and at the same time heartbreaking. We were all we had left, but we couldn't get along. Amber had her friends now, they had stood beside her for a long time, far beyond the time I had.

The storm was over, the moonlight flooded through the window and vanquished the black blanket. It was calming and I found myself falling asleep quickly, my body relaxed and fatigued, my mind blank and tranquill.

---

I don't know when I woke up, but it was early in the morning and the house was still quiet. I gathered the blankets closer around me and sighed, bending my knees and curling up more. I was awake and there was little possibility I would get back to sleep. Sitting up, I yawned and stretched my arms above my head, holding them there for a few seconds before letting them drop down. I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing it was probably all over the place by now. Finally deciding to move off the couch, I stood up and immediately sat down when black dots started to cover my vision. Shaking it off, I got up again and walked into the kitchen, yawning as I did so.

"What kind of food do they have here?" I wondered aloud, opening the fridge and looking around inside. Chocolate milk seemed most appealing at the moment and I grabbed it out, relishing the cold against my skin, a wake up call of sorts. Serenity never really bought chocolate milk, despite how much I told her I loved it, so I had it whenever I could.

After putting the jug back in the fridge, carrying my glass and sitting down at the table, I drank slowly. My throat was dry and it felt nice to have this liquid slide down silkily.

There was half left when I put it down and rested my head in my arms, starting to think about my sister again. I wish I could've explained everything, but that would mean everyone would know. Telling someone would make it real and I couldn't live with that at the moment, not with the way things were going. Just know was the time when I was starting to get over my parents leaving, both in different ways, and to bring everything back to the surface would hurt more than letting it brew just underneath.

Even when we were little, Amber loved writing and she use to tell me stories about a dog named Max and how he use to go on all these wild adventures, through a forest where he met a squirrel named Monty and a deer named Buck. They were so interesting to me back then, when I was little and still believed in the tooth fairy. She had stopped coming after mom left, so I figured it out. There was that faint smell of the rain near the doorway as I thought back. The memory turned hazy and I found myself reliving the dream i'd had not to long ago, where I was little behind the couch.

There was that overpowering scent of alcohol again and I watched as the smaller version of me cringe before throwing up on her other side. The little one wiped her mouth and turned back around, looking at the matting head of hair now in her line of vision. There was a pool of crimson around it and I felt my heart clench, was that mom? The smaller version crawled closer and I was reaching for her body with one hand, ready to shake her awake.

Starting, I snapped my head back up and took a deep breath. The peices were coming together, slowly, but quickly at the same time. I grabbed the glass of chocolate milk and downed it before placing the glass in the sink and running to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I splashed water on my face and closed my eyes, head down, before looking up into the mirror.

I didn't expect to see much and I wasn't disappointed. This was who I was, my mom was gone, my dad was gone. There was only me to look out for me. No Sam. No Serenity. Only Me. I protected Sam, I helped Serenity. Who helped me? I did.

"All I have is me, remember that." I told my image and they repeated it as the same time I did. It was the truth somewhat. Nobody went out of their way to look after me, but I had some belief that they still cared.

My efforts were in vain as I felt my grip on that cloud start to loosen.


	7. Lines Of Friendship

I don't know when, but I fell back against the wall behind me and slid down until I sat on the tiled floor. Breathing evenly, I rubbed my temples tiredly and yawned. How many times had I woken up last night? I could only remember two, but it must've been more. It felt like I'd been trying to walk through fog, expecting something ahead and finding something completely different from what I'd expected. My hands were cold as I stopped to press a palm against my forehead. What was I doing now? Serenity, she'd probably still be home. I should call her, I should see if she's alright. Rain too. If that repairman had come last night. Pushing myself to my feet, I glanced in the mirror one more time before walking out of the room and making straight for where I knew the phone was.

It kept on ringing and my fingers tapped softly against my leg as I waited. After a minute I hung up and paused before dialling Rain's number immediately after. It rang for five beats and I hung up. I placed the phone in the cradle quickly and almost hit my head against the wall for it. Where were they?

---

Serenity showed up at around 10:00, looking frazzled and angry. By that time everyone was up, but the only people there were the three Curtis', the three girls, Two-Bit, and I. When I opened the door and found Serenity there, my mouth went dry. She was giving me the meanest glare and I couldn't understand why. I'd left a note, I'd tried calling. What else was I suppose to do? It was only me at the door, since everyone else was in the living room, and she whispered something I couldn't hear under her breath and then walked in breezily, a large smile on her face.

"Mom?" Sam asked and then jumped into the hug she was offering. Julie stood up to and walked over, worry crossing her delicate features.

"How's my mom?" Serenity answered with a nod and Julie broke out in a smile. It was obvious now that Rain was okay too.

"I can take you home now. " Serenity said, her eyes watching Julie. The little girl in question nodded and they both said goodbye to Emma before brushing past me out the door. There was the sound of car starting and then the engine fading away. Sighing heavily, I waved my own goodbye and started to walk out the door. I was intercepted quickly.

"You shouldn't be walking alone." Sodapop said, raising an eyebrow in my direction.

"I don't want to be a bother. It'll be okay, I can take care of myself." I said, crossing my arms over my chest in a 'leave me alone' look. Ponyboy was at my side in the next second and offered to walk me home.

"It's okay." I said, "You don't have to." He just shrugged and slung a coat on before following me out the door. On the sidewalk we walked beside each other, Ponyboy with his hands in his pockets and I with my arms down by my sides. The air was chilled and the cement was wet, as well as everything else, from the night before. There was still silence between us and I felt somewhat uncomfortable, I never did get use to walking with someone in complete silence thing.

"What classes do you have tomorrow?" I asked, his head snapped in my direction and I found myself marvelling at his eyes, they were lovely. He was also at least half a head taller than me, something which slightly bothered me. Sure, I liked tall guys, but it was still amusing to tell someone your taller than them and watch as they get angry. I smiled at the memory, but I think Ponyboy thought I was smiling at him since he still hadn't said anything. His ears went slightly red and he looked away, muttering his classes under his breath.

"That's right." I said, we only had one class together and that would be on Tuesday. There was that silence again and although I felt comfortable in it, I wish he'd say something.

We passed a yard with a whole bunch of kids playing in it, laughing and tagging each other. When was the last time I played a game of tag or anything like that? I think I did when I was little. A grin came over my face and I turned to Ponyboy. I wanted to be a little kid right now.

"You're it!" I yelled, touching his arm before running on ahead. For a second, I thought he wasn't going to follow and completely ignore me, but when I turned back to see, he was there. Closer than I had expected too, so I sped up or tried too. It was doubtful I could outrun him, he was on the track team, but I could still try. My house was a block ahead, but I turned early and almost slipped as I did. I headed for the park and almost got to the fountain before I felt his hand touch my back and then as I went to stop, his body plough right into mine. We didn't fall, but his breath hit my shoulder and I froze. He stepped away quickly and when I turned around to watch him, breathing heavily, he was barely panting and grinning.

"Now you're it." Maybe he wanted to be a kid too, I thought this with a smile and ran at him. He jumped and started to run away, I knew he wasn't running his fastest because I was one of the slowest runners around and I was managing to just barely get closer. I almost reached him when he turned and I slid while trying to do the same. Landing on my hand and right leg, I winced and an evil idea formed in my head. Moaning, I clutched my leg and shut my eyes trying to look like I was in pain.

"Are you okay?" He sounded extremely worried and guilt fluttered through me, but I kept it up and got to my feet, seeing him right beside me. Then, I reached out with my hand and tagged him all the pain gone. Astonished was the only look on my face and I didn't have time to think about running away before laughter took over my whole body.

"That wasn't funny." He said, although I could hear amusement in his voice. Giggling, I fell to the ground onto my knees and felt them immediately soak through, but I didn't care. After my hysteria was done, I accepted the hand he offered me and we got started back on root to my house.

"I won." I said after a few moment of silence. He scoffed.

"By cheating."

"But I won none the less." I smirked and he gave me his best glare which I just smirked at more. Within the next few seconds we were in a staring contest, my eyes glaring at his glaring ones. I blinked and I could almost hear him smirk. Huffing, I started walking again and he caught up once again, walking only a few more steps before we were in front of our house.

"Thanks." I told him before starting to walk up my driveway at a fast pace, not daring to look back at him.

----

The next day I woke up late and it just had to be a school day too. Serenity had said she would get Sam up and ready to go to school that day and they were both gone by the time I woke up. My alarm had failed to go off, so now I had to hurry around the house, hitting basically everything in my path, at double the speed. I missed breakfast and forgot to get money or pack a lunch. My shoes were stubborn that day, they wouldn't tie up. Eventually, I ended up running to school, normally a 20 minute walk and I had 15 minutes to get to class. I ran out of stamina and had to stop, panting heavily. When I did reach the school, the grounds were deserted and I swore in my head before walking through the front doors and straight into my classroom.

The teacher had been in the middle of a lecture and looked up at me as I walked in, rolling his eyes.

"Sit down Ms. Richards and we'll be continuing with this class, I will speak to you after the period." Hurrying to my desk, I sat down and listened as intently as I could without appearing overly interested. I was sitting by myself that day and my science teacher kept glancing at the seat next to me and then back at me before continuing with what he was doing. When he was passing out papers, he tried to talk to me, but I brushed him off and immediately started on the work before he could try to say anything else.

At the end of class I tried to pack my bag as quick as I could, but my teacher spotted me before I could leave and stood by my desk as I fiddled with a ring on my finger. It was my mothers, or had been. She'd given it to me at some point, I knew that much and I couldn't remember when or how, but I knew she'd been the one to give it to me. I was setting myself into a trance and started to forget about my teacher, who was standing right beside my desk.

"You were late, again." He said and I nodded, bringing myself away from the trance. There was a sense of knowing that if I agreed the quicker the sooner I would be able to leave.

"Care to tell me why?" I coughed and shook my head. Like telling him I slept in would help anything, I brushed some more eraser shavings off the table with my hand, waiting for his next question. It didn't come and when I looked up, he was frowning at me.

"I think you should see the school counsellor." My jaw tensed and I stumbled through my thoughts.

"What?"

"Obviously, you're having trouble dealing with your mothers death, your father leaving, and now your friend moving away." I blankly stared at him, wanting to hit him so bad.

"How did you know?" He looked surprised.

"Your guardian came and told the principal what had happened a year ago, all your teachers know." I gripped the desk tighter with one of my hands. They'd know. All of them had known. That's why they'd give me slack when I forget my homework, or when I forget something, or if I was a little late.

"I'll be calling your guardian about it."

"I'm not going." I said, putting my foot down. I didn't need to see a counsellor, I was doing fine dealing with everything.

"We'll see." He said and sat down at his desk, excusing me. I through my bag over my shoulder and took off out the door, ignoring him now completely.

Without any detours, I went straight to my locker and stuffed my bag in there, my face red and my hands shaking. It might not have mattered to any one else that they had all known, but to me it mattered to the world. No one was suppose to know, as soon as someone found it and everyone knew, it would all become real. That's where the pain was stored away, with the fact that no one knew. It was starting to leak now and I felt an empty feeling pulse in my heart, but I pushed it away.

The rest of the day was as it normally was, I had lunch with Katie, who hung out in the yearbook room, working on a spread for the newspaper. The room was used for both, since the staff was relatively the same for each group. We were the only ones in there that day however, everyone else was enjoying the fresh air and sun outside. Despite the rain two days ago, the sun was now out and shining through the window on me. When Katie had heard I had forgotten lunch, she'd given me her pudding and bought me a bottle of water. Normally, it was Kristy who bought me lunch when I'd forget it. Apparently, over the weekend she'd gone on a date with one of the football players and was with him at the jock table.

"How does this spread look?" Katie asked, her eyes probing me. I took a look and shrugged, but pointed out that I think she should put one of the articles before the other one because it fit better into the space and sounded like a beginning for the second one. After looking over it, she agreed with me and there was silence. It left me to my daydreaming.

I think Ponyboy might've been mad at me. When I saw him in the hall on the way to my next class, I opened my mouth to say something, but he hadn't even looked at me. When I'd called his name, he hadn't turned around either. On my way here with Katie, I'd seen him and tried once again to say hi, but once again was ignored.

"Who was that?" Katie asked, looking behind her to watch him go. I shrugged and told her it was no one. I knew she hadn't believe me in the least. After much pestering, I told her what had happened over the weekend, skipping some parts and she'd given me a look before letting the subject go. There was a large chance she would ask me about it later though.

Ponyboy couldn't be mad that all I'd said was 'bye' and left him there on the sidewalk. Maybe he actually was mad that I'd faked my leg injury. It didn't seem like something he would do. I didn't know him well, so maybe I was wrong to judge him that way. He probably hadn't seen me or heard me.

"All done." Katie said, slipping the finished product into a folder and slipping it into the desk.

"Don't I get to see it?" I asked, she shook her head.

"If you buy the paper you will." She laughed, knowing she would bye me the paper anyway. "You know, I still think you should join the paper. You use to write all the time." It had been countered at every moment when she asked me to join the paper, this time I thought about it. It would keep me away from the house and give me something to do, that was for sure. Katie was giving me a strange look, I usually shot it down right away. My sister was usually the reason too. I hadn't wanted her to think I was trying to take her place. Now, she never wanted to see me again and it made me realize I couldn't live my life based on her. It hurt she didn't want to see me, but I could go through with a few things now.

"Okay." I sighed.

"You really don't have to if you don't want." She said, smiling sadly.

"No I want to. What's with this? You want me to join and then when I say I will you tell me not too." I smiled. Hers widened and she grabbed my hands and we swung around in the office, laughing the whole way. Eventually, we got pretty dizzy and had to sit down, catching our breath.

"Finally!" Katie through her hands up in the air. "That took forever!" I laughed and sat forward, pretending to have a pen and paper in my hands.

"So, Ms. Green. What's it like to finally have beaten Camille's stubbornness?" Katie looked thoughtful and then replied extravagantly.

"Refreshing. This should really be documented in history." I pushed up imaginary glasses and scribbled on the imaginary paper.

"Yes, very interesting." I couldn't hold it in any longer and burst into laughter. The whole thing wasn't even that funny, but this release of happiness surged through my veins increasingly. My eyes watered and I held my sides as the laughter continued to ripple through my body.

"What are you doing after school?" Katie asked after we'd mostly gotten our laughter under control.

"Nothing, going home to be alone. Sam is going over to Julie's so I don't have to pick her up." I'd found the note taped onto one of my shoes that morning saying that there were going to be a bunch of girls over at Julie's for a sort of study group.

"Let's go to my house and hang out in Summer's pool." Katie grinned, unease twisted in my stomach, but I smiled anyway. Summer was a Soc, while Katie and I were both Greaser's. Of course, we never hung out at school, but we had this meeting place where no one ever was and we'd pick each other up and go over to the others house. Usually, it was Summer's, since there was so much to do there we never actually had to leave the house. There was always the chance we'd get caught and it always made me feel uneasy.

"Sure, does she know."

"Yeah, I was going over there anyway. She won't care." And we both knew she wouldn't.

---

We hopped into the car without opening the doors and Chelsea glared at us, while we both waved to Sarah. Sarah and Chelsea were both in on the 'us-breaking-the-Soc-Greaser-rival' rule. Sarah was Katie's older sister and drove us from where we were, picking us up when we called her too. She loved breaking rules, since she did it on a daily basis and seemed to like sharing our thrill of what's supposedly forbidden.

Chelsea was Summer's sister and when she was our age had gone through the same deal. Her best friend had been a greaser. At first, she'd been Soc, but after financial issues, had to go live on the greaser side. Chelsea was the only one that stayed around. She was the best person to talk to, especially about relationships, whether it be friends or boyfriends.

"Hey Summer." I said as I buckled up my seat belt. Smiling, she started a conversation and had eventually all of us laughing. As soon as we got into the more busy Soc territory, we all stopped. Only when the car was safely parked in the garage did we start up again. It wasn't life threatening, but the line between Soc and Greaser was a delicate thing to tamper with.

Return to Top


	8. Beating Twice Over

"How about this one?" Katie came out of the bathroom wearing a two piece purple suit, the top a spaghetti strap and the bottom just an ordinary bikini bottom. At the same time, Summer and I shook our heads. The next one was a red piece, the exact same type. Summer got tired of Katie's choices and went to her closet, picking out a white one, with short bottoms and halter top. It was decorated simple with a few small Japanese flowers on the right side of the top. While she was at it, she picked a few ones for me to try on, throwing them at me. Katie caught the white one and stomped into the bathroom.

"This is why you always pick the outfits first." I told Summer, who was browsing through her closet for one for herself.

"Yes, well, I wanted to see if her fashion sense had improved at all. Apparently not." Summer had this way of making things that were an insult seem somewhat endearing. This was one of them and I giggled. I heard Katie yell a 'hey!' from the bathroom. When she came out, she looked pissed off, but her outfit looked great and I stood up, taking my turn to be under the spotlight.

The first one I tried on was blue that turned into a sea-green as you went across. The bottom was a pair of shorts the same, but the color did its pattern going down this time. When I came out, Summer looked up and shook her head before turning back to the closet. Katie nodded slightly, but told me I should try some of the others on. The next one had a brown halter top, with a butterfly on the far left side and the bottoms was a normal bikini bottom, a butterfly on the left side also. When I came out, they both nodded and Summer brushed past me to put hers on.

Neither Katie nor I had enough money to buy a good bathing suit and we never really had a need for one. Summer had found out and the next time we came over, had a collection of bathing suits for us our size. Ever since, whenever we happen to need a bathing suit, we go to her and she has them, all lined up. It really helped, since now people didn't look at our bags and ask why we had swimming clothes when we had no local swimming pool and certainly not one in the backyard.

Summer looked great in her blue one and we headed downstairs, as soon as our feet hit the patio, we ran into the pool, creating a large splash as we hit the water. It was calm, all the noise from outside vanished and my hair flowed freely. I let myself float back to the top, taking in a deep breath of air. Summer had come up and threw a ball at me, which promptly hit me in the back of the head, then floated on the water. I lunged at it and threw it blindly, hitting Katie.

"Hey!" She yelled and turned around just as I dunked under the water, swimming towards both of them. We got out after 20 minutes and sat on the lawn chairs, warming up. It was warm that day, breaking the chain of cold weather.

"You're lucky." Katie said to Summer, who sat up and looked at her.

"How so?" Her eyes were begging to differ and I watched them. It seemed to hit a sensitive spot. I thought Summer was lucky to, but I never really dared to say it out-loud.

"You get all this stuff and so much money." Katie said dreamily, "Your house is huge, your backyard is about 10 times bigger than mine." It was a lost of all the material things Summer had. Summer stayed quiet and waited.

"Want to know how I think you're lucky?" Katie jumped at Summer's voice and glanced over.

"What?"

"Want to know how I think you're lucky?" Summer repeated.

"Well, um."

"Your parents are always there for you, they're never on extended trips. Your not expected to be the best, proving you can astound people. Your guys tend to not be arrogant and full of themselves. Your friends aren't your friends for popularity. I may have material stuff, but you have everything that matters." Katie looked at her and spoke quietly.

"It's not as great as you think." she said.

"Same." Summer replied. My eyes shifted from each of them and I quickly stood up. Summer watched me with a cool expression, at least they weren't both in a full blown argument.

"I completely forgot, I have to finish this project up! Sorry, I have to go." I fast-walked through the kitchen and down the hall, taking a deep breath before I knocked on Chelsea's door. She answered and eyed me curiously.

"Would you mind giving me a ride to the border." She nodded and then smirked.

"You want to get changed first." I looked down to see I still had my bathing suit still on and laughed before heading up to Summer's room, changing back into my normal clothes. I took my hair out of it's ponytail and brushed it out, noticing it had already started drying. Walking down the stairs, I took a glance out the window and noticed that they were still out there, talking. They didn't look angry, but it seemed like they were still talking about the same subject. It wasn't something I wanted to get on.

"You ready?" I jumped and turned, nearly falling down the rest of the stairs in the process. Chelsea watched me with a cool expression, walking past me and out the door. I followed and we both got into her convertible. In silence she turned on the car and we pulled out of the driveway, starting down the deserted road.

"Why are you leaving so early?" Chelsea questioned, keeping her eyes on the road.

"I have schoolwork to do." I heard her give a short disbelieving bark of a laugh.

"That never stopped you before. Did you all get into an argument?"

"No!" I blurted hurriedly, "I just have to get this done." I could tell she didn't believe me, but she didn't question anymore and I thanked her mentally. The cool air blew across my face and my neck, blowing my hair behind me like a curtain. When we reached the border, it floated down to rest over my shoulders. I got out of the car slowly, trying to decide what I should say.

"Thanks." I said, to which she nodded and then was gone. I tugged on the edge of my jacket and started walking, wondering if I should've said something else. I was walking by the park when I spotted something on the ground, something jean-like. When I picked it up, it was a jean jacket and on closer inspection I saw a crimson like stain. Glancing around, I finally spotted something of a lump on the other side of the field. Someone was hurt! I ran across the field, holding the jacket close to me, and kneeled beside the person. Turning them over, I nearly threw up. It was Johnny, bruised and beaten like I'd never seen. My voice caught in my throat, but when it dislodged, I screamed. The next second it died away and I was running my hand through Johnny's hair, whispering his name. He moaned and tears fell down my cheeks silently. Who would beat sweet Johnny up? Taking off my coat, I searched the pockets for any sort of cloth to at least try to wipe some of the blood off his face. One of my hands were still in his hair and I could see some red on my skin. When I didn't find any cloth, I bit my lip and then used my coat, gently.

"It's okay." I kept repeating, as if to calm myself down, "Everything's going to be okay." Tears were still dripping from my eyes. I didn't want to look at his T-shirt, I already knew it had turned red.

"Camille!" I heard yells behind me and turned, that's when I noticed there was also a trail of blood on the ground, leading to us. Sodapop, Ponyboy and Steve were running towards me. Steve looked a little bothered and Sodapop looked worried. It was Ponyboy that caught my attention though, he looked concerned and was running almost faster than all of them. Sodapop reached us first though.

"It's Johnny." I said, my voice strong although I wanted to just shiver and sob. Sodapop looked over and I saw him tense when he saw Johnny. His head was still in my lap and I was still running a hand through his hair. I was also still crying. Sodapop kneeled down across from me and I heard Steve groan before he did the same. Ponyboy was beside me, quiet and as still as stone. When I looked back at Ponyboy, I saw Two-Bit beside him. There was no comical grin, no laughter in his eyes. It made me want to cry harder. Darry was there and so was Dally. He was cursing under his breath repeatedly and turned away when he cast another look at Johnny. Sodapop gently lifted Johnny from my lap and leaned him against his shoulder talking to him softly.

"Johnny?" Soda said, "Hey, Johnnycake." For a second I really did believe Johnny was dead, but he answered and I felt a small flood of relief.

"Soda?"

"Yeah, it's me. Don't talk. You're gonna be okay." Soda said.

"There was a whole bunch of them." Johnny continued anyway, and I unconsciously hugged his jean jacket closer. "A blue mustang full… I got so scared…" He suddenly started to cry, which just about broke my heart.

"Its okay Johnnycake, they're gone now. Its okay." Soda repeated, in hopes to calm his down. Johnny re-told his story and I found myself shaking, pulling the jacket even closer if humanely possible. That's when I noticed my hand, still slightly covered in blood. I watched it, my tears stopping for the moment. The haziness came over me as I stared at my hand and I had my hand on my mother's shoulder. This one was different, I was actually inside the smaller versions body, rather than from someone else watching them. I turned her over and her eyes were closed, a drop of blood dripping down her cheek.

"Mommy." I cried, shaking her. She stirred and her eyes opened, half-lidded.

"Sweetie." She said, bringing a hand up to cup my face, wiping away the few tears that were crawling down my face. "Get away." I froze.

"I'm not leaving you Mommy." I said, holding the wrist of the hand that was on my face.

"Please, you can't let him hurt you." Her eyes were closing, her grip becoming softer. I held on and heard a grunt to my left. I turned slowly and saw the figure of a man, stumbling closer.

With a snap, I was once again back to reality, except I was staring right at Sodapop and Johnny across from me. Johnny told the end of what had happened and I started to sob; for so many reasons. For Johnny, my mother, my dad, my sister, and myself for not understanding or remembering what had happened.

Everyone looked over at me as I buried my head in his jean jacket, wiping some of the blood from my hand on it by accident, Johnny had stopped for the moment too. I felt someone kneel down beside me and throw his arm around his shoulder, I turned and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Sorry, I-I j-j-just…" I trailed off, sobbing. The person cautiously wrapped there other arm around me and brought me into a hug, I kept sobbing, but tried to calm myself down. Tears had started to stream fast down my cheek again, hot trails of salt water. Eventually, I calmed down, hiccupping ever so often and looked over at Johnny sadly.

"Camille…" I looked up into the person that was holding me, Ponyboy. "Were you the one that screamed?" I flushed lightly, remembering what I had done when I saw Johnny.

"Yeah." He made a face and turned to Johnny as I had done before.

"Take him to our house." Darry said, motioning to Soda. With slight difficulty, Sodapop picked Johnny up and started to walk back towards the Curtis' house. Ponyboy helped me up and walked beside me, out of the corner of my eye I saw him watching me. As far as I could tell, he was trying to figure something out. About what, I wasn't sure.

---

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked Darry as he wiped away the rest of the blood. Most of it had clotted and there wasn't anymore open bleeding.

"He'll be fine." Darry stood up and I realised how much taller he was than me, even more so than Ponyboy was. I looked over at Johnny, who was staring at the ceiling. Darry left to the kitchen and I kneeled beside the couch Johnny was on. Everyone else was in the living room too, but it was completely quiet. Dally was making me nervous, the way he stood in the doorway with this angry look on his face.

"I find that guy…" Dally growled, which made me tense. It reminded me of those Socs that had attacked me. A hand flew to my stomach and I pressed there, feeling pain shoot through quickly. There must be some bruising. I got up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Lifting my shirt a bit, I saw the purple and blue bruises, wincing as I did. I didn't think I got off unscathed. With a sigh, I looked at my face. My hair was blocking the far part of my cheek and I moved it away to see a barely noticeable bruise. How come no one had noticed this? With a heavy sigh, I walked out of the bathroom and onto the porch, sitting on the steps. No one noticed me leave, I could get up and go home and it would be all over with. Johnny worried me and that's probably why I wasn't leaving. I barely knew him, but I felt responsible.

"Oh, what have I gotten myself into." I muttered, scuffing my shoe on the step below me. The sun was setting and I watched it, noting the colors spread across the horizon. The door opened behind me and I saw Ponyboy staring at me. I patted the seat beside me after a moment and then turned to the horizon. He could go back in if he wanted. He sat down beside me and we both watched the sunset in silence.

"Do you watch the sunset a lot?" Ponyboy asked and I shook my head.

"I'm usually busy doing something else." He turned back and watched the colors as I had. "Do you?"

"Usually." He hesitated, which made me laugh.

"There's nothing wrong with watching a sunset." I said, smiling. Ponyboy took a deep breath and turned to me.

"Does Amber know?" I froze and slid away from him a little.

"Know what?"

"About your dad." I backed away until I couldn't anymore.

"How…What… When." I couldn't speak, my tongue twisted in my mouth. Ponyboy watched me as I tried to find the right words.

"I came to your class," He spoke slowly, "to see what you were doing for lunch," At this part his ears went red, "and I saw you talking to your teacher." I looked at my feet.

"He left, didn't he?" Ponyboy said and I nodded, not looking at him.

"Way to ruin a moment." I said, my voice cracking. He looked nervous and placed another arm over my shoulders, expecting me to pull away. I moved in closer, glad for the warmth and comfort.

"Why didn't you tell anybody?" He asked and I looked at him.

"Because that would make it real." I confided, tears welling up in my eyes. He gently squeezed my shoulder.

"Johnny…" I said, which made Ponyboy tense, "why… he's always so quiet and… I don't know the word." Ponyboy was watching me, I could feel his eyes on me.

"His dad beats him." I froze and looked at Ponyboy, wide-eyed.

"What?" My breath got caught in my throat. I would've never guessed that. Sure, he was always quiet and jumpy, but… that isn't something I ever would've thought of. "That's…" I trailed off, I wasn't sure what to say.

"Why is he still in that house?" I whispered, becoming agitated. It was a dangerous situation, why wasn't he getting out of it? Ponyboy gave me a hard look.

"They'd take him away. I think he'd rather be with the gang in that house, rather than go off somewhere else." It made perfect sense, but I leant into Ponyboy more, becoming somewhat uncomfortable.

"Isn't he afraid that he'll…" _Die. _The word hung over the conversation heavily and I felt tears pool in my eyes again.

"I'm sorry." I said, pulling away to look Ponyboy in the eye, "I'm sorry." He looked startled.

"For what?" My eyes were loaded with tears.

"About your parents." He tensed and his eyes shut off. I leant away and the moment was gone. "I really am, I wish I could've helped." It was an invitation for him to talk to me if he needed to. With that, I stood up and walked down the steps. Ponyboy didn't follow this time, probably more angry than worried for my safety at my prodding.


	9. Sick And Angry

The last time I talked to Ponyboy was four months ago, four whole months. When we'd seen each other in the hallway, I wanted to say hi so bad. My mouth would part to say it and then die in my throat as he walked by, not even glancing my way. He'd disappear into the crowd and that was that, he would leave me standing there in the crowded hallway. At lunch, I would stay with Katie in the yearbook room, munching half-heartedly on my lunch.

"Why did you leave so fast?" Katie asked, not looking up from the article she was on as I doodle o the edge of a piece of paper. My scribbling got faster.

"I had to work on a project I forgot about." She didn't believe me, not in the least. I could tell by the way she gave me a sideways glance and didn't say anymore. I wasn't happy I'd left that day at that time and found Johnny in the lot, someone would've eventually found him. My scream may have made Steve, Soda, and Pony come faster, but they still would've got to him. Still, I was glad he wasn't too hurt.

After a rather sad day, with my lament of whether Ponyboy would ever talk to me again, I skipped going to the yearbook room and decided to go home early. For the whole day I had a headache and an aching in my stomach, I just wanted to lie down.

Normally, I would've gone the long way for a longer walk, but I cut through the parking lot. That's where I saw their little group. Ponyboy, Johnny, and Two-Bit. They were standing in the parking lot, Two-Bit with a cigarette hanging off his bottom lip. He saw me and glanced up, he waved and I gave a small wave back. Johnny turned around looked a little sheepish, but gave me a small wave too. The cut on his face stood out clearly. Ponyboy glanced over and then turned away. I felt my eyes burn. Choking on a sob, I started to run down the parking lot. All I wanted was to talk again, even a 'hi' would be fine. Just to know he didn't hate me. When I was around the corner, I stopped. My stomach was churning and forcing itself up my throat. There weren't any cars coming and I couldn't hold it down anymore. After coughing up everything I'd had that day, I wiped my mouth with one hand and brushed away a few tears.

Once I stood up and started walking again, I felt worse than I had before. There wasn't the pressure or need to throw up, although I could still feel it right underneath the surface, but I still didn't feel so good. I didn't make it to my house, not even close, when I threw up again, stomach acid sliding up my throat. Some lady had seen me from her porch and hurried over. I shook her off and said I was fine, but after a moment threw up some more contents from my stomach. I felt weak now too. She ushered me into her car, not that I could really tell, and started to drive. I can't really remember arriving at the hospital or getting out of the car. I think I might've passed out because the last thing I remember seeing was the hospital doors opening.

I woke up in a hospital bed, feeling light-headed and cold. A nurse was in the room and watched me, her face frowning. Hurrying out of the room, a doctor came in a few minutes later.

"You just had a bout of food poisoning." He said, his eyes staring into mine. I nodded and asked when I could leave.

"This afternoon if you feel better." My eyebrows furrowed and he explained, "You've been unconscious since yesterday when you came in." I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, knowing Serenity was probably worried sick.

"Thanks." I muttered and started to look out the window, wondering when it would be okay for me to leave. I waited a total of three hours and then got out of bed. The nurse that was in earlier ran over and asked where I was going.

"Home." I said, she grabbed my arm and I yanked it away.

"Someone has to discharge you."

"Don't touch me." I said, tearing my arm away from her grip when she tried to grab me again. I ran down the hall and out the doors when they yelled for me to stop. I was tired, but I kept going anyway. When I stopped I was panting, but relieved to find I didn't want to throw up at all. No one was following me, so I wandered home. It was oddly quiet for a Saturday. There wasn't a note anywhere, and there wasn't any sign that there was anyone there.

"Serenity? Sam?" I called and not hearing a response, ran into each of their rooms. _Maybe Rain knows. _On the way over to her house, I stopped at the lot to see if Ponyboy was there. I wanted to apologize or something. He wasn't, so I just continued on my way to Rain's. My fist pounded on the door, but no one answered. Becoming desperate, I kept pounding on the door for five minutes. Still, no one answered. Where was everybody?

I kicked stones as I walked back to my house, filling tears fill up my eyes. It was sensitive, emotional, and such a bad thing to do as you walk down the street. No one said anything, but the few people I did passed gave me either strange or disgusted looks. They didn't know what was going on and they still judged me, it seemed unfair. They were entitled to their opinion, as everyone was, but it still seemed so close-minded.

Tucking my hands into my pockets, I stared at the ground as I walked. Cars passed out of my peripheral, all going at varying speeds. Someone was going to get killed one day doing that. That made me think of Ponyboy again and what'd I said. Shaking my head, I walked back to my house and opened the door. Chancing it, I yelled again, hoping someone would answer in someway. When there was nothing, I sighed and sat on the couch in the living room, picking at the threads.

I fell to the side and tucked my legs onto the couch. My head is in an uncomfortable position on the arm rest, but I close my eyes anyway. I'm getting drowsy again, maybe I should've just stayed at the hospital…

"Camille?" I felt someone shake my shoulder and open my eyes to half-lids, noticing the room looks a little blurry. I rub my eyes and see Serenity looking down on me. She looks worried, but I can't tell, I'm too drowsy. I don't hear what she says next before I fall asleep again. When I wake up again, I'm still on the couch, but I have a pillow under my head and a blanket over me. I feel better than I did when I woke up before, but I still don't want to get up. I feel light-headed, something that often comes after I try taking a nap. Locating a clock, I squint and notice the time, four o'clock. When I got back it was about five, so how could… I've been asleep for almost a day. By the look of outside, there was no possibility it could be five in the morning. I sat up slowly and surveyed the room more carefully, there was a note on the table in front of me. I reached over and picked it up, yawning as I read.

_Camille, _

_Stay in bed, I think you're sick. I guessed you were when you didn't wake up when I opened the door. I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but it seems like the worst of it's passed. Just lay down until I get back later, I mean it. Don't go anywhere. _

_Serenity. _

It was just like her to threaten me when I was sick. I wouldn't go anywhere outside, but I was so thirsty. My throat felt dry, as if I'd stuffed hay down my throat and left it there to soak up everything. When I did get something to drink, which was water, it didn't help with the first glass. I had to drink four more glasses before it started doing anything.

The glass clinked onto the counter, right onto the note, the one stained with paprika. I examined it curiously and unfolded it, reading the handwritten print silently.

What was written there created a loud roaring coming from all around me.


	10. Betrayals And Leavings

"How could he?" I whispered it aloud, clutching the paper harder into my hands. It was right in front of me and I couldn't see it. How could I have missed something like this? Hot tears spilled over and down my cheeks, but I knew they weren't because I was sad. It was frustration and anger that took over my body. The paper was shaking and becoming blurry. My father… why would he do this? There was a knock on the door, snapping me out of my reverie. I wiped away my tears and folded the paper before setting it in my pocket. I splashed some water on my face from the kitchen sink and prayed my eyes weren't red from all those tears.

"Coming!" I yelled when there was another knock. When I opened the door, Sodapop was staring at me. There was an unbearable silence. Being face to face with Ponyboy's brother, who probably knew what was going on, wasn't on the top of my 'to do' list.

"What?" I asked, I was irritated enough as it was. He looked nervous and for once, his grin didn't seem to come up so fast. I uncrossed the arms that had been around my chest, starting to get worried.

"What?" My throat had that dry feeling again.

"Have you seen Pony… since yesterday?" I shook my head, in the back of my mind, I felt the surge of worry and concern, but forced it away.

"What would make you think he'd come here?" Maybe Ponyboy hadn't told Sodapop about anything I'd said.

"I thought that fight you had would be over." Maybe not. I wouldn't really classify it as a fight… it hadn't been a fight. I don't know what to call it, but it wasn't a fight.

"No." I shifted and leaned against the door frame. "So… where did he go?" Sodapop shook his head, which told me he didn't know.

"All I know is that Johnny killed a Soc." My mouth went dry. Johnny killed someone? Had the abuse he had from his father finally caused him to snap? "If you hear anything… will you call?"

"Yeah." I said and watched Sodapop turn around hesitantly and go down the steps slowly.

"Listen, Camille." He was debating again.

"Yeah."

"I don't think Pony was every really mad at ya." He walked to the truck and got in, pulling away. I stood in the same place, staring at the same place, but wishing I was somewhere else. If he hadn't ever been mad at me, then why did he ignore me? It was confusing, would it always be? Ponyboy was missing and I had this horrible feeling it was my fault. What surprised me most was that Johnny had killed someone… why would he do that? Had they attacked him and it was only self-defence? Or had he just attacked someone? I needed some fresh air.

It was cool and reflected how I felt. My feet went where they wanted and dragged me along with them. Eventually, we ended up at the park that Ponyboy had chased me into when he walked me home. Someone must've been here before, the place felt ominous. There was yellow tape between some trees, which was surprisingly still intact, blocking off most of the area. I didn't care though, and walked under it. Images from the day before swam through the front of my mind. Unbeknownst to me, I had stopped in the middle of the park and was staring blankly. Suddenly, everything felt heavy again and I fell to the ground, on my knees doubling over, and sobbing heavily. It wasn't fair. Wasn't that the saying of my life. This time I meant it with as much emotion as I could muster. It really wasn't fair. Johnny couldn't have killed that boy without a reason and Ponyboy wouldn't have gone with him if Johnny hadn't had a good reason, right? But they were like family and they weren't going to leave each other behind because of murder. I knew that and I'm sure Sodapop and Darry knew that. They knew if they found Johnny, they'd find Ponyboy and vice versa. Ponyboy wasn't even much of my friend, why was I crying over him? We'd had our moments, like anybody does. However, I knew the reason and I was kidding myself, it wasn't hard to figure out.

Sniffling, I wiped tears from my face. What kind of girl cries in a park because her friend, who she wasn't even talking to, is missing? Under these circumstances, probably everyone. I wasn't sobbing more, but my face was wet with hot tears and my eyes stung. I could hear the rustling in the leaves now and the lazy traffic on the street and farther away. The whole world seemed different now, as if it all had slowed down.

My life would go on, it always did. Ever since my mother died…that made me think about my father again. Anger flared in my mind and my gut, he was such an actor. All that time. I didn't even have to see the rest of my memory, I knew what had happened. I knew who had killed my mother and why he didn't kill me. It had been my father. How it came about, I wasn't sure, but I knew that she had to have found this letter. Upon confronting him, he must have tried to make it look like someone else did it.

"I hate him." My words stung myself, but that's how I felt. My father killed my mother and then left himself. He didn't leave because he missed her, he left to go find that other woman. My father, the one person I had left to trust, cheated on my mother, killed her, and then went to this other woman… What was her name? I unfolded the letter and scrunched my nose. Rose. How original. I felt complete and utter disdain for this woman. It was a rapid impulse that pushed me to tear the letter up, then dig a hole, right in the middle of the park. My hands hurt, the dirt wasn't packed softly, and I had more than enough dirt under my fingernails. When the hole did get deep enough, I realized that all the dirt I'd dug up was everywhere around me, so I spent the next ten minutes finding enough dirt to pack the hole with. It really did look like something was buried there. Oh well, now I wouldn't have to keep looking back at it. I really wanted to read the letter in my drawer, the one my father had left me.

I didn't want to go anywhere near that house. My sister, I needed to talk to her, but she wouldn't talk to me. That was expected and oh-so-predictable, but it hurt worse than anything, My heart wanted to explode out of my chest and my head ached. All this stress was really getting to me.

How long had I been sitting in this park? I stood up and brushed off my pants, when a voice made my blood freeze.

"Hey you!" I didn't turn around, but started to run. I ran through bushes and branches that hung from all the branches. Where was I going to go? _Home. _The word was echoing hollowly in my head. I had no home, everything had crashed. She had to know, she had to listen. I knew where she lived by heart, I'd spent hours debating whether I should visit her or not. When I did get there, my breath was catching in my throat. No hesitation. I stepped up to the door and knocked loudly.

There was a click and Amber stood in the doorway, her smiled fading as she saw me. There was silence and I didn't know how I looked. I knew my cheeks were still soaked and my face was probably red and irritated.

"Amber. _Please." _I was begging for her to listen. Her eyes were cold, I saw them change as soon as they set upon me.

Reaching a hand out to her, I whispered, "_Please listen to me!" _She got a hold of her senses and slammed the door, pushing my hand back with it.

"_Please! _Amber you have to listen to me! It's about Mom!"

"I don't care!" That's the first thing she said, "Go tell dad!"

"Amber! This is important! Listen to me!" I yelled, not caring who heard or saw me. All my weight was on the door, and I slammed a fist to the wood. This was my breaking point, my cloud had disappeared and I was falling to the ground, it was still nowhere in sight.

"I'll call the cops if you don't leave!" Amber yelled. It was an empty threat, it screamed fake.

"Listen to me." I whispered pleadingly, but loudly enough for her to hear through the door. Silence and then.

"Please leave." I pushed myself off the door and bolted down the steps, running back to my own house. Why was this happening?

------------

For the next few days I felt tired and empty. I'd poured all my emotion out and there wasn't anything left. By the time Monday pulled around, I was a ticking bomb, any little thing would set me off. I was waiting for it and it finally came. It was the same as any other day and I was walking down the same hall I always did. However, this time I heard something.

"Dirty greaser, he killed Bob. This is war now." My body froze and I stopped, turning slowly. I dropped my books onto the floor with a loud clatter. My hands balled into fists and my temper poured out through my words.

"You shut up." I clenched my teeth. They looked bewildered, but then one leaned in and whispered threateningly.

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" The rest chuckled and I clenched my fist back, pulling it back and punching him right in the nose. Despite his size, he stumbled backwards and his friends had to hold him up.

"That." I said, feeling triumph in the blood that fell from his nose.

"You bitch!" He was holding his nose and looking more outraged by the second.

"Don't talk if you can't back it up." I said and picked up my books before stalking away. Before the end of the day it was all around the school and I was now truly a greaser. The Socs hated me and the greasers felt loyalty with me. I started to walk home at the end of the day and Summer stalked up to me, Katie behind her.

"What was that?" She commanded, her eyes blazing. I'd never seen her so mad. Actually, I'd never actually seen her mad.

I sneered, "That? I'm not going to stand by and let them say something like that."

"He _killed _someone, get it through your head. He's a _murderer." _

"He's not." I argued.

"He is!"

"You weren't there, you don't know what happened!" I screamed, by now we had attracted a crowd.

"Neither were you!" She screamed back and jumped at me. We fell to the ground and I got a look at Katie's horror-stricken face before my attention was with the fight. She got me in the nose and I knew it was bleeding. I punched her hard in the eye and kicked her off of me. I got ready for another hit, but someone had a hold of my arms and hauled me up. Some Soc had a hold of Summer and was holding her back and I knew someone had a grip on me. We glared at each other and then I was pushed forward, a growl in my ear telling me to leave it alone. Katie was beside me, handing a handkerchief to me so I could wipe the blood from my nose. By now, I realized it had been Dally and Two-Bit that held me back.

"Not bad, kid." Dally commented, a smirk on his lips. Katie frowned, but didn't say anything. We kept walking and I realized we were heading to the Curtis' house. Two-Bit had been silent the whole time and now piped up.

"I heard you punched some Soc." I nodded my head. His eyes sparked, I'm not sure with what.

"He was asking for it." I said and then we were through the door, my nose had thinned out with blood, but hadn't completely stopped. Sodapop looked up from the TV and jumped off the couch, coming over. Steve looked over and had a perplexed look on his face.

"It's fine, it's stopped." I said, sniffling and rubbing the rest of the blood from around my nose. Two-Bit filled them in and I sat there, glancing over at Katie. She was silent and withdrawn. Without warning, she got up and left. I followed her.

"Katie!" I said, only catching up when she slowed down.

"Camille, why did you freak out like that?"

"She jumped at me first."

She sighed, "That's not what I'm talking about." A pause, "Johnny… he did kill that boy, why are you defending him?"

"You too huh?" I said, narrowing my eyes.

"You don't want to get involved in this Camille, your going to get really hurt in the end."

"I'm not going to just throw my friends aside." That's when I really did realize I valued them as friends. I hadn't ever thought of them as friends, just people who were in my life. They made huge impacts. I hadn't ever really talked to Johnny, but I knew he was my friend anyway. Even if all he had ever done was wave at me.

"You mean like you did to Summer?" I winced and shook my head to get rid of all my other thoughts.

"What are you talking about?"

"By hitting that Soc, you were hitting her. You broke that rule. And then you actually did hit her."

" She hit me _first _and there was no rule."

"God dammit! Stop being so stubborn!" Katie yelled, her eyes now burning fire. "You know that we weren't suppose to get involved in any conflicts! You broke it! Your friendship with her is gone." My caring and worried nature came forward and I felt myself drift into it. My mouth opened and closed a few times with no sound before I stopped.

"It's… it's different."

"Explain to me." My anger was coming back, but I would never use it on Katie. "That's what I thought. I'll see you around." She gave a final glare before turning around and leaving. I was left standing there alone, just like I knew it would always end up. Whether I pushed them all away or not, I knew this was how it was going to be.


	11. Engraved and Sealed

I'm not sure what happened after that. After everything that had happened. For the next two days, I tried to forget about Ponyboy and Johnny, thinking they were never coming back. Every time I thought about Ponyboy, my heart would speed up and I'd feel this hopeless feeling surge through my whole body. He had to come back, I needed him. It wasn't a dependable need, it was a need that sparked from love. Yes, I admit it. I had been unconsciously fighting this, fighting anything that had to do with this. It came anyway without me wanting it.

I was independent, I didn't need him. I told myself that every day and it still never stuck with me. It may seem weird, but I walked by that park at least three times a day, hoping I would see them sitting there on the grass passing a cigarette around. I'd set myself up and then I'd feel even worse when I found no one there.

Sodapop knew something. I saw him writing to Ponyboy when I was over there. Ever since I had that fight with Katie and Summer, I had been hanging out at there place a lot. They never seemed to mind, Darry gave me a pep talk on how I shouldn't be skipping school, but I really didn't care. When Serenity found out, she didn't yell or say anything, but I knew she was disappointed. Sam had a tendency to stay over at someone else's house lately, so there wasn't any responsibility holding me to that house. I felt distant from her. When I asked Serenity about it, she gave me a disbelieving look.

"Can you blame her? You never pay any attention to her anymore." I winced so bad that I ran out of the house to hide it. I couldn't have been ignoring her that bad. Had I? It wasn't like I meant to. Everything just hurt so bad. I felt like a lovesick puppy. It came so sudden that I didn't know it was there, until people started pointing it out to me.

"You love him, don't you?" Soda said it casually, but in such a serious way.

I tensed and spoke with only the slightest shake, "I'm too young to fall in love with someone I barely know."

"There's no age limit to this." Soda said and it was so uncharacteristic of him. I felt everything start to hurt really bad again and hugged him as tight as I could. It was comforting, to be in their messy living room and hugging Sodapop like he was my own brother.

"He'll come back." Soda said, but I wasn't sure if he was trying to convince me or himself. Darry had one of those too, except his was hidden. I didn't realize what he had implied until he had gone to work and I was alone to ponder what he had told me. Two-Bit never said anything and we'd always have a few laughs watching TV and just talking, although only on commercial breaks. Apparently, Two-Bit was a little obsessed with Mickey Mouse. I never would've guessed.

Dally. He was a different story. He was always cautious and slightly cold around me, but I felt respect from him. I wasn't sure why, maybe it had been from that Soc that I had hit. Oh, he never let me walk alone either if he could help it. He must've heard something from, or about, one of the Soc's. I didn't doubt they were after me. Once I had hit him, the line about not hitting a girl had pretty much up and vanished. I personally wasn't looking to get a beating, or worse, either. For once, I actually felt like a part of a group. I felt like part of the gang.

The only person I wasn't sure about was Steve. He never showed any resentment towards me, but I never felt anything else from him either. We would talk when we were in a group, but I'd never got him alone. Not that I wanted to really. He was one of them I didn't really trust. Everyone else I trusted, but since I had never really talked to him… that natural trust wasn't there.

None of the gang, except for the exception of Ponyboy that I knew of, knew that my father had left. No one knew he had cheated on mom, no one knew he had killed her. It was my secret and I kept it close to me.

"Where are you going?" I jumped and twisted around, I relaxed when I saw it was only Dally pulling up in a white truck.

"Scare me, why don't ya." I breathed, "And I'm going home. Where are you going?" Dally stared at me with those cold eyes and I had half a mind to look away, but I didn't and held me ground. For a few moments anyway, then I looked away.

"See ya."

"Bye." I said and watched him drive away. My house was a few blocks away and I hurried my pace to get there. The hairs on the back of my neck kept standing up and it was not a secure feeling. When I got into my house and shut the door behind me, I let out a sigh of relief and turned around. My face met a chest and I tensed again.

"Dad?" I breathed, looking up into his face. No one was home. He looked down at me with hard eyes. It was chilling, this was not the father I knew.

"Where is it?"

"Where's what?" I played dumb, I knew he was talking about the note.

"Don't give me that. Where is it Camille?" He took a step forward and I manoeuvred around him.

"I know. I figured it out." I said, opening my big mouth. "I remember what you did. How's Rose?" I felt the cold end of the gun on my forehead. "Dad?" my whole body felt cold.

"Give me the note. I will shoot you."

"Your own daughter?"

He smirked, "No loss for me there."

"Why is it so important?" He pressed the gun harder against my forehead.

"It's none of your business. Now give it to me."

"It's too late, I don't have it." I said, trembling from fear.

"What?" His voice was hoarse.

"I… I buried it." He looked positively outraged. He pulled the trigger and the bullet flew behind me, I covered my ears and screamed. He ran a hand through his hair, the gun back on my silhouette, and had already taken a few steps back away from me. I was openly trembling now. What would he do next? He lowered the gun and walked into the living room. I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't follow him. The gun was lying on the table, between him and I. Was this how it was going to turn out?

His face was in his hands, his fingers tangled in his hands. I stood in the doorway, trying to calm down my erratically beating heart.

"Why are you still here?" He asked, looking up. I gulped at his eyes and felt my throat constrict, I couldn't say anything. His eyes calculated at me and flashed with something. A smirk formed on his lips and he laughed.

"You don't hate me still? Even after you know I murdered your mother?" My eyes brimmed full with tears, he openly admitted to it.

"Why would you do that?" My fists clenched and he watched them and then started laughing. My hot tears spilled over my eyes and slid down my cheeks. They felt like acid paths on my cheeks, but I didn't bother to brush them away.

"You were never one to cry." He mused aloud, watching me still.

"Why aren't you leaving?"

"You see, there's a problem with that." His eyes downcast. "I'm making a small… album of our letters and stuff for Rose, that letter is an important part, for our anniversary." My fists clenched tighter.

"So, she knows about all this?"

"All what." His eyes flashed again.

"What? She doesn't even know you have kids."

"Oh, she knows we have kids. Our kids." His laugh was bitter.

"You… you didn't mean anything you said about that, did you? The night you left, you just wanted to go to her!" I accused him full-heartedly. The hate in my heart hadn't acted up yet, but I knew it was there, starting to bubble.

"Want to know their names?" He asked, ignoring my question. "April, age 6. Karen, age 7. Mark, age 10, and Damien, age 14." I gulped. He was the same age as me. My dad had been cheating on my mom probably before I was even born. Amber would've already been born when all this was going on.

"What made you stay then?" He looked up to stare at me again.

"Your mom didn't know. They were both beautiful woman. Why not have them both?" He laughed again and I lunged for him, my fist raised. There was a sharp pain in my cheek and then in my stomach. He stood over me, no longer the cocky look on his face.

"You can't overpower me." Smirking, he gave me another kick and I groaned. When had I let him get the best of me? I stood up and tried again, he grabbed my arm and pushed me to the side. I stumbled and fell, hitting the wall. "Why don't you just calm down." He said again, his eyes never leaving mine. His hand reached down to pick up the gun and he aimed it at me. "You would never understand my reasons." I kept my mouth shut and stared at the gun. A sudden realization hit me and I felt something warm seep into my skin, almost as if for once I found a breakthrough to all this. At the same time, I felt guilty for it.

"You got prepared for this." I stated, "You came here to shoot me, not for that… insignificant note." He shook his head and I stood up, although all I wanted to do was fall right back down. "That's why you wanted Amber out of the house." I stared at him and advanced, he looked panicked. "Once she was gone, you could act like I'd picked up the gun and accidentally set it off. Something stopped you every time though. What was it dad, did you know?"

"Stop it. I'll shoot you." He said it calmly, but his eyes betrayed him. They looked panicked and wild.

"You had so many chances. You didn't shoot me when you shot mom. Why?" I wanted him to say it, I wanted him to admit to it.

"There was no need for it."

"What about when Mom was gone, then Amber was gone, and there was only me and you. The night you left, what about then? No one would have known it was you. No one." I advanced again and he backed up. "Do you still love me?" There was a shot, but this time I didn't scream. It hit me somewhere behind me, I had watched him the whole time.

"I… You're nothing to me."

"Okay, tell yourself that." I was staring death right in the face. He fled and it was a few seconds before relief flooded through my body. The phone rang as soon as I sat down on the couch and I picked it up, a bit hesitantly.

"Hello." I hated it, my voice cracked and sounded weak.

"Camille? It's Soda." I waited for him to go on. "Listen… we found Pony. Well, we know where he is. Come to the hospital, me and Darry will be there."

"Okay." I whispered, still feeling shocked and tired. It hadn't really sunk in yet. He hung up and I placed the phone back in the cradle. Ponyboy was back, he wasn't dead and I could see him. Yanking a coat on, I slammed the door behind me and ran to the hospital.


	12. Faint Forgettings

The moment I skid into the waiting room of the hospital, the shock had already settled and I felt my heart swell. With what? Love? Relief? I wouldn't be able to say, all I knew was that I didn't feel so lonely anymore.

"Sodapop? Darry? Ponyboy?" I came out in such a whisper, they all turned and I saw Darry and Sodapop smile. Ponyboy looked unbothered, and surprised, but curious at the same time. There was something else, but I'm not sure what it was. I had my eyes on him, I wasn't looking anywhere except at Ponyboy. He stood up and I wanted him to say something, anything. His eyes, his whole face, I couldn't believe it was happening.

"How've you been?" He asked and I broke. I ran and hugged him, hoping he was real. He was and I felt happiness bubble inside my chest. Despite my appearance and all the sensitivity and pain I was throwing at him with my emotions, he hugged me back tightly. I felt safe and could've melted in his arms right then and there, but I had a few things to say.

"Don't you ever do that again." I whispered harshly, "Why did you leave? You didn't even tell me, I thought you were dead Ponyboy. I thought you were never coming back and you made me feel even more guilty that I hadn't tried to fix things up with you. What if you hadn't come back?" My voice cracked horrendously at the end.

"I knew you'd be worried." he said, "I'm sorry." That made me hug him tighter and bury my face into his shoulder. We just stayed there, holding each other while I tried to get control of all my emotions that were swirling around inside me. His face was rested against the side of mine. He smiled like fire and smoke, something that eased me to relax. He was actually here, it wasn't all some dream I was having. Sighing, I pulled back and looked him over. That's when I realized something.

"You're… you're blond!" I exclaimed, looking up at his hair. It was shorter too. Sodapop grinned behind Ponyboy's back at my comment, but Pony just gave me a small smile and brought me into a hug again, just as tight as the last one. I once again felt secure, like anything could happen and everything would be alright.

"I know." He said, I held him tightly too. I didn't want to let him go, but I felt really tired. My knees started to give out and all my weight was starting to lean on Ponyboy. My eyes were fluttering slowly, I couldn't keep them open. He realized and helped me walk over to the chairs. I sat on one side of him, while Sodapop was on the other. Darry was standing now, watching us both. I rested my head on his shoulder and started to fall asleep, feeling better now that I knew he was okay, but really tired at the same time.

"Pony?" I murmered.

"Yeah." He said, waiting for me to continue.

"Despite everything, I'm glad you're okay…" Was all I managed to say before I fell asleep into my dreamless mind.

----

I woke up to the sound of flashes and voices. I realized my head wasn't on Ponyboy's shoulder anymore and I snapped my eyes open. He was being talked to by many reporters and police. Darry eventually told them Ponyboy wasn't in any shape to be yelled at and they all backed down a little bit. Darry sure could be intimidating.

Sodapop kept me smiling with all his antics, it was hilarious. Eventually, I found myself giggling and joined in. Sodapop put a reporters hat on my head and I smiled, talking in a reporter like voice. After a while, Sodapop had enough of them and fell asleep. Leaving me alone to entertain myself.

Eventually, I started talking to this man, Jerry Wood he said his name was, that I hadn't noticed before. We started talking and he told me everything he knew, how they, as in Johnny and Ponyboy, had run into a burning church and saved these kids that were in there. How one of them had gone in to get the black headed kid, I'm guessing Dally was the one that had done the saving. When I asked him about some other things, he told me it wasn't his place to say anything. I looked over at Ponyboy and sighed, he might not ever tell me what happened. Although, I hoped he would. Jerry was giving me a look and I blushed before looking away. Right, everyone had seen our whole hugging thing. Jerry was looking at my face with a questionable look, but he didn't say anything about it. Ponyboy was taking one more question and then it was quiet again. As soon as I was sure they were all gone, I slipped over to Ponyboy, not wanting him to be too far away. Jerry seemed to understand and just sat on the other side of me. I felt clingy towards Ponyboy, but I couldn't stand to let him out of my sight right then. There was some talking between the brothers, but I wasn't listening to that.

"Pony?" I asked, looking at him. He turned and waited for what I wanted.

"How… how's Johnny?" Pony stopped and looked away.

"We aren't sure." I grabbed his hand and intertwined my fingers with his.

"I'm sure he'll be okay." Ponyboy didn't say anything and refused to look back at me. Finally a doctor came by and Ponyboy gripped my hand tighter as they all got up. The doctor, with some prodding from Darry, told us everything. I could feel Pony gripping my hand tighter as the doctor finished telling us about Dally and was on to Johnny. I hadn't even known Dally had gotten hurt. So Dally did know where Johnny and Ponyboy were, he'd known the whole time. That must've been where he'd been going when he had been in that white truck.

"He's in critical condition. He's in severe shock and suffering from third-degree burns. His back is also broken, were doing everything to ease the pain. Although, he can't feel anything below his waist. He keeps calling for Ponyboy and Dallas, I'm guessing one of them would be you." The doctor was looking at Ponyboy, "If he lives, he won't ever be able to walk again." I felt something cold sweep through my body and I scooted closer to Ponyboy, he felt like he was trembling. I let go of his hand when Darry put an arm around Pony's shoulders, he could comfort him more than I could. "You wanted it straight and you got it straight. Now go home and get some rest."

"I…" I had turned to the three of them. I knew they were close to Johnny, way more than I had been. My throat constricted again and I followed them to the truck, feeling out of place. As soon as we got there, I was about to say my goodbye and walk home, but as I did, somebody grabbed my arm. Ponyboy was looking at me with something that could only be described as helplessness.

"We'll give you a ride home." He wanted to say something else, but he only grabbed my hand. When I was about to retort something, his eyes went slightly glazed.

"Okay." I whispered and got into the back of the truck first. I don't really know how, but Ponyboy's head ended up in my lap and I brushed my fingers through his hair. I felt so close to him and all I could think about what how much I had missed him. I had to apologize still… for intruding like I had.

In not time at all we'd reached their house and I looked at Soda and Darry, then at Ponyboy.

"Um…" I started, not sure how I should start this.

Soda started to shake him, "Hey, Ponyboy, wake up. You still got to get to the house. I think you're putting Camille's legs to sleep." He added, hoping that would wake him up. Ponyboy made some kind of protest and sat up, but wound his arms around me and lay back down.

"Pony…" I whined, he must've still been half asleep. Darry smiled, and helped me unwind his arms and then carried him inside. I got out of the truck and followed. They said I could have the couch and I nodded before settling down on the couch. I didn't need a pillow or a blanket, I just fell asleep.

"Well, if it isn't sleeping beauty." I heard and woke up to see freaking Two-Bit, just the person I wanted to see. I glared and snuggled into the blanket that had been thrown over me.

"Aw, come on. Make room." I ignored him and stayed where I was.

"Leave her alone Two-Bit." I heard Darry say.

"Yeah, Two-Bit, leave me alone." I chimed and tried to go back to sleep. It didn't work so well and I sighed.

"Okay, I'm up." Two-Bit cheered and then wandered back into the kitchen. What? After waking me up he didn't even need the couch?

I yawned and stretched my arms above my head. I ran fingers through my hair and stood up, trying my best to get the feeling back in my legs. I wandered into the kitchen, stumbling. I really wanted some chocolate milk, but I didn't make it that far. I collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs and laid my head down on the table.

"How was the couch?" Darry asked, watching me from where I was sitting.

"F-F-Fine." I said, yawning. To tell you the truth, my back was killing me and I wanted to fall asleep right there, but I didn't tell him that. Everyone was in there, except Soda, but I figured he had work this morning and was trying to get ready. Ponyboy I saw out of the corner of his eye was watching me. I yawned again. I hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately, if any. Whenever I went to sleep, I always woke up at sometime during the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

"Where's that blue shirt I washed yesterday?" Soda had come in, but I didn't bother to look up. I was still tired. Then I thought that if I kept my head on this table, I'd fall asleep and kill my back some more. So when I did look up, I blushed and looked down. Soda wasn't really wearing… a whole lot of clothes.

"I hate to tell you, buddy," Steve said, snickering a little and still flat on the floor for some reason, "but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something." I kept my head down on the table, I'd risk killing my back.

"Oh, yeah." Soda said. "Where're those wheat jeans, too?"

"I ironed. They're in my closet.," Darry said. "Hurry up, you're gonna be late." Soda ran away, muttering something I couldn't hear. I looked up cautiously and then laid back, stretching and yawning again. I felt so tired. Steve was gone to and there was some noises, sounding suspiciously like a pillow fight.

"Darry," Pony said it suddenly, there wasn't any real warning attached. "did you know about the juvenile court?"

"Yeah, the cops told me last night." Darry said it without turning around, but I had time to see Pony's face and it wasn't the happiest ever. Juvenile court? What was that about… were they thinking of splitting the boys up? Well, it was mostly understandable, but I really started to hate them for it.

"I had one of those dreams last night. The one I can't ever remember."

Darry spun around so fast it made my head spin, and there was fear plastered all over his face, "What?"

"Was it bad?" Two-Bit asked. I had no idea what he was talking about, what dreams! I was watching them all with a confused expression. Ponyboy gave me a look that clearly said he'd tell me later.

"No." Darry looked like he wanted to say something, but Sodapop and Steve came in. I was relieved to see Soda had some more clothes on this time.

"You know what?" I wasn't sure who Sodapop was talking to, but I decided to listen anyway. "When we stomp the Socies good, me and Steve here are gonna throw a big party and everybody can get stoned. Then we'll go chase the Socs clear to Mexico."

"Where you gonna get the dough, little man?" Darry had found cake! YES! I grabbed the piece he gave me and started taking tiny bites. Oh, heavenly piece of goodness. I hadn't had chocolate cake in a long time.

"I'll think of somethin'." Soda assured between bites. I was busy munching on my piece of cake and enjoying it too much to care about a party. I wasn't going to the rumble. I knew it was going on before Soda brought it up, I hear things. I think I was going to go visit Johnny that night.

"You going to take Sandy to the party?" Pony asked. There was instant silence and I knew why too. "What's the deal?" Ponyboy didn't know yet, but how could he have?

"No. She went to live with her grandmother in Florida." Soda was staring at his feet when he said this, I felt bad about everything that had happened between him and her.

"How come?" Aw, Pony. Stop all the questions.

"Look," Steve said, becoming angry, "does he have to draw you a picture? It was either that or get married, and her parents almost hit the roof at the idea of her marryin' a sixteen-year-old kid."

"Seventeen." Soda was speaking real soft now. "I'll be seventeen in a couple of weeks."

"Oh." Ponyboy looked embarrassed and I felt sorta bad. He didn't know, but he could've laid off all the questions. Still, he would've found out eventually, I'm pretty sure Soda would've told him at one point. The silence felt really heavy and I started drumming my nails on the table, just to try and make the silence seem a little lighter.

"We'd better get on to work, Pepsi-Cola." I had never heard Darry call Soda that. I wonder how it came up. Maybe it was just because they were two pops that were really close together, either way. It was kinda nice, it was a sweet nickname. That made me remember my nickname and I shuddered, drawing in closer to myself. "I hate to leave you here by yourself, Ponyboy." Darry was speaking kinda slow, as if he was thinking about something. "Maybe I ought to take the day off."

"Hey, I'm not doing anything." I piped up and Darry looked in my direction, "I could stay with him."

"I'll babysit him." Two-Bit added in too, ducking as Ponyboy took a swing at him, which I couldn't help but laugh at. "I haven't got anything' better to be. I'll make sure the love-birds don't' do anything' either." I blushed and saw Ponyboy's ears redden a bit.

"Why don't you get a job?" Steve said, looking at Two-Bit. "Ever consider working for a living?"

"Work? And ruin my rep?" Two-Bit replied. "I wouldn't be baby-sittin the kids here if I knew of some good day-nursery open on Saturdays." Pony pulled Two-Bit's chair over backwards and jumped on him. Two-Bit was winning anyway though.

"Holler uncle."

"Nope." Ponyboy replied and started to struggle. I watched with mild interest, wondering vaguely if someone was going to get hurt. Without warning, somebody pulled my chair back and I yelped, looking up into the face of Sodapop Curtis, who was laughing.

"Oh please don't drop me." I begged, tense and ready to hit the ground. He tipped my chair back more and I grabbed one of his arms, everyone was laughing at my antics. "No, no, no, no, no, no." I kept repeating, letting out another yelp as he tipped it back a little farther. It snapped back up and I flew out, landing flat out on the floor. "Thanks Soda." I said, giving him a salute from my place on the floor. He just gave me a little wave.

"You three do the dishes, You can go to the movies if you want to before you go see Dally and Johnny." He paused and was watching Two-Bit keep the upper hand on Ponyboy. "Two-Bit, lay off. He ain't looking so good. Ponyboy, you take a couple of aspirins and go easy. You smoke more than a pack today and I'll skin you. Understood?"

"Yeah," Pony said, after Two-Bit let him go and he was on his feet. "You carry more than one bundle of roofing at a time today and me and Soda'll skin you. Understood?" Darry was grinning and it looked good on him, he should smile more often.

"Yeah, see ya'll this afternoon."

"Bye." Pony and I said in unison as he left. I heard a car zoom away, and then there was silence.

"….anyway." Two-Bit started, rattling on about this story while Ponyboy washed the dishes, I told him I'd rinse and dry once he'd done a few of them. "Moral: What's the safest thing to be when one is met by a gang of social outcasts in an alley?"

"A judo expert?" Pony suggested.

"Nope. Camille?" I thought for a second, really not that sure.

"How about an expert negotiator?" I knew it didn't matter if you could negotiate yourself out of a situation like that.

"No, another social outcast!" Two-Bit yelped, and almost feel off the cabinet he was laughing so hard. I was laughing too, but Pony was really only grinning. We were done all the dishes and I started washing the counters, rubbing hard to get all the stains out.

"Good luck getting those off." Pony said, coming over to watch me struggle with his counter.

"Just you wait." I said and rubbed as hard as I could, but it still wasn't coming off. Ponyboy was watching me with a bemused expression. Eventually, my arms pretty much died and I threw the rag in the sink, glaring at the stain. Ponyboy was giving me one of those looks.

"Not a word." I said and stalked past him, brushing him arm a little more than needed as I walked past.

"We're gonna clean up the house." He said, mostly to me. "The reporters or police or somebody might come by, and anyway, its time for those guys from the state to come by and check up on us."

"It sure could use some cleaning." I said, glancing around the living room.

"This house ain't messy." Two-Bit said.

"Coming from the guy who's never even seen a broom."

"You oughtta see my house." He grinned.

"I don't really think I want to." I said, shuddering a little.

"I have. And if you had the sense of a billy goat you'd try to help around your place instead of bumming around." Ponyboy said, giving Two-Bit a look.

"Shoot, kid, if I ever did that my mom would die of shock."

"Well, isn't that nice." I said, kicking a shoe a few feet in front of me. "This is gonna take forever."

"Let's get started then." Pony said, looking at me with those eyes of his. Man, I had missed him.

"Fine." I gave him a kiss on the cheek, his ears going red. Two-Bit gave a cat-call.

"Now," I moved away from him. "You start here and I'll start in the living room." I walked away.

"Shut it Two-Bit." Ponyboy said, knowing Two-Bit had been ready to say something. I giggled and looked around the living room, wondering where to start


	13. Harsh Rememberances

After we had finished, which, like I had said before, took forever, we left for Tenth Street. I was walking in between Pony and Two-Bit. Every few minutes, I would bump Pony's hand, but he didn't seem to be getting the hint. Inwardly, I frowned and listened to Two-Bit's reasoning for why he couldn't drive us.

"It doesn't matter." I said, after having a small laughing fit. "I like walking anyway." I yawned again, how could I still be tired? It wasn't long before we reached the Tasty Freeze, to rest up for a bit. I really didn't feel like a Coke, or anything for that matter. I hadn't noticed before, but a blue mustang, that had been trailing us for awhile, pulled in. I felt Pony tense beside me, but Two-Bit shook his head just a little and threw him a cigarette. Pony gently pushed me behind him and I stayed there, slightly worried now. He lit up as the Socs got out of the mustang. I recognised them, one of them was the boy I had punched. The other guys had been with him, whoops. Two-Bit rested an arm on Pony's shoulder and gave me a wink over his own. I wasn't feeling the best right now, the guy I had punched was giving me hateful looks.

"You know the rules. No jazz before the rumble." Two-Bit said and he sounded tougher too.

"She's that little bitch…" The tall one trailed off and the other guy gave him a look. I shrank behind Pony, I really didn't want to get beaten up. Ponyboy tossed a look over his shoulder at me and then turned forward again. That's right, he still didn't know I had punched that Soc.

"We know." The other guy said, casting a look to the one guy that was still glaring me down. "Come here, I want to talk to you." His eyes had directed at Ponyboy. He walked over with him and they both got into that nice looking mustang. The whole time it was silent and I shifted. Two-Bit was right there the whole time, so I didn't have a whole lot to worry about. They wouldn't pull anything.

I'd been worried about meeting these guys on the streets and having to deal with them there because all of them against me wouldn't have a good outcome for me. Now that we were here, I still felt alone, despite that Two-Bit was right beside me. The one guy was looking at me like he wanted to kill me right there and then, while the others had their own glares, but not as bad as that one guy. I wanted to say something, like 'leave me alone' or 'what are you looking at?', but I didn't have that type of courage right then. When Ponyboy came back and they all left, I let out a breath of air that I didn't know I'd been holding.

"What's he want?" Two-Bit asked, casting me a glance out of the corner of his eye. Pony was looking at me too. "What'd Mr. Super-Soc have to say?"

"He ain't a soc, "Pony said, still looking at me though, "he's just a guy. He just wanted to talk."

"You want to go see a movie before we go see Johnny and Dallas?" Two-Bit asked and I shook my head, although I knew it wasn't my call.

"Nope." Ponyboy lit up another cigarette, finally looking away from me. It seemed like he had gotten a little more tougher since the last time I saw him. He was the same Ponyboy, just a little different.

---

We were begging the nurses to let us see Johnny, but they held strong. He was in critical condition, no visitors. That's all I ever heard from these people. Two-Bit and Ponyboy were bent on seeing him, so I let myself get caught up in it all. One nurse I almost had, but it was over pretty quick once she got her senses back. Eventually, the doctor came by and told them we could go in, that he had been asking for us. Well, I'm pretty certain not for me, but for all the others yeah. The way the doctor spoke, it sounded like he only had a few minutes to live. I swallowed the lump in my throat and followed behind Two-Bit and Ponyboy until we reached Johnny's room. I stopped outside and bit my lip. Ponyboy turned to look at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I could stay out here if you want." I felt like it really was none of my business.

"Naw, c'mon." He said, and I shuffled into the room. Johnny was lying still with his eyes closed.

"Hey Johnnykid." Two-Bit said and Johnny's eyes flickered open.

"Hey ya'll." I felt my heart lift at that, at least it wasn't so bad. The nurse, who happened to be pulling the shades open, smiled, but didn't say anything.

"They treatin' you okay, kid?" Two-Bit was looking around while he said that and I wondered what for.

"Don't," Johnny gasped, "don't let me put enough grease on my hair."

"Don't talk." Two-Bit said, and I had a flashback to when Johnny had gotten beat up in the lot. I shivered and Ponyboy noticed, he threw an arm around my shoulder. I wasn't sure if he was trying to comfort me or warm me up. Two-Bit sat in a chair beside the bed and kept talking, "Just listen. We'll bring you some hair grease next time. We're havin' the big rumble tonight."

I saw Johnny's huge eyes widen a little, but he chose not to say anything.

"Of course," They all turned to me. "I won't be there, I doubt any of them would actually let me come in anyway." Ponyboy gave my shoulder a squeeze, which told me he definitely wouldn't let me go. "I think I might get the nurses to let me in here, keep ya company." Johnny gave me a small smile and Two-Bit started again.

"Well, Camille won't be in it, but it's too bad you and Dally can't be in it either. It's the first big rumble we've had, not countin' the time we whipped Shepard's outfit."

"He came by." Johnny spoke up.

"Tim Shepard?"

Johnny nodded at that, "Came to see Dally." I didn't know Dally and Tim Shepard were friends, but I hadn't known either that well. I'd met Tim once and it hadn't been on the best terms.

"Did you know you got your name in the paper for being a hero?"

Johnny had an almost grin on his face, nodding. "Tuff enough." I was looking anywhere but at anybody else. I hadn't gotten a hold of the paper that morning.

"Little sleeping beauty over there didn't get to see it." Two-Bit was grinning.

"Thanks for waking me up by the way, now because of that I'm mad at ya." I said, crossing my arms.

"Aw, no you're not."

"Color my hair blonde and then see how much you like me being mad at ya. Oh, sorry Pony." I said, and Two-Bit gave out a few barks of laughter. Johnny smiled again, at least it made him forget about the other important matter for a brief moment.

"I'm gonna get you back for that." Pony whispered in my ear, keeping his arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah right." I said back and he gave me a playful glare, which I returned.

"Oh and you guys missed it while you were gone." Two-Bit was giving me, I sent him a warning glare.

"Camille over here punched a Soc." They all looked at me and I rubbed an arm.

"Was it one of those guys that we saw today?" Pony asked and I nodded sheepishly.

"She won't tell anybody why." I had kept that to myself, except for what people heard through everybody else. I decided to change the subject.

"Johnny, is there anything else you want other than hair grease?" He looked awful pale and tired, I was still hoping he would get better. Now that I looked at him, I didn't think he would. I put an arm around Pony's waist and tugged myself in a little closer. I saw him give me a sideways glance.

"The book," The nod was faint, but there. "can you get another one?" I looked at Pony for explanation, as did Two-Bit.

"He wants a copy of gone with the _Gone with the Wind _so I can read it to him." He explained. "You want to run down to the drugstore and get one, Two-Bit."

"Okay." He said with a little too much cheeriness. "Don't ya'll run off." I moved away from Ponyboy and he gave me a look.

"I'm just going to go get some water." I explained and left the room, deciding to let Johnny and Ponyboy be by themselves. They'd gone through a lot and if this was going to be the last time Pony saw Johnny, I didn't want to intrude.

I asked a nurse where I could get some water and she just shrugged and left. That was helpful. I sat down with my back pressed up against one of the walls and decided to wait ten minutes, then I'd go see what was going on. I kept replaying what had happened with my father over and over again in my head. My whole body started to shake. _No, don't' think about it. Push it out of your mind. _I tried and tried, but it wouldn't work. I eventually ended up crying, not openly sobbing, but enough that every few minutes I had to take a quivering breath.

That seemed to be all I ever did lately, cry over everything. I never heard of a greaser crying this much, especially one who's had to deal with what I had. Most of them learn to shut it all in and not let anybody get at them. Like how I was like at my mother's funeral. Cold, unfeeling, and indifferent. That's what makes a hood a hood. How they don't seem to care.

"I thought you said you were going to get some water." I looked up and saw Ponyboy, looking away as soon as I did and rubbing at my face.

"Um… I." I stuttered, not wanting to let him know I was crying.

"You don't have to explain anything." Ponyboy sat down beside me as I pulled my knees up to my chest, staring at the hospital floor.

"It's about my dad… and my mom." I said, my voice low and shaky. I immediately felt him snake an arm behind my back and catch my waist, bringing me closer to him. "My dad, he came back." His arm tightened and I winced, but didn't show it. I don't know why I was telling him this so suddenly. Was it trust? Or the fact I didn't feel like I was 'just a friend' anymore. The way he acted towards me, I hope he felt the same way I did.

"What?" He sounded angry, which startled me. "When?"

"Just before I came to see you at the hospital yesterday." I saw Ponyboy's eyes harden and my dad's face flashed in my mind, his eyes had looked just like that for a moment.

"He hit you."

"What?" I said, turning sharply. Ponyboy took his other hand and pressed his palm against my cheek, staring at it.

"I didn't want to say anything, I didn't know what it was from." He said, watching it and rubbing his thumb softly over the skin there. I had never really seen this side of Pony.

"He… I don't think he meant to." I started to protest, but Pony cut me off.

"Don't you give me that." His voice was still angry, "Do you have bruises on your stomach too?"

"Mmmm." I said and looked away, biting my lip. Maybe he did see my wince and felt the way I'd tensed.

"I should've been there." He looked pained and his eyes closed.

"Don't you dare." I said, glaring and he looked into my eyes, which made me gulp. "There's nothing you could've done." His eyes flickered to my cheek. "I came at him and he retaliated, it's mostly my fault." There was that glare again.

"No, a father shouldn't hit his kids." I had a feeling he wasn't only talking about me.

"Why aren't you talking to Johnny?" I changed the subject, we didn't move from our spot.

"His mom wanted to come in to see him and he kinda went off and then suddenly went out cold. The nurse ushered us out after that." That didn't last as long as I wanted it too. There were a few moments of silence. "Is he still at your house?"

"No, he left." I took a deep breath. "He was a completely different person than I remember." Pony was silent and I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes as more tears tried to push through.

"Did you tell anybody else about your dad?"

"No." I stopped and looked at him. "Ponyboy, he mur-"

"What are you doing over here?" Two-Bit came over to us, "We still gotta go see Dally." Ponyboy stood up first and I took his offered hand, letting him pull me up. He would've known, he almost knew. In a way, I was relieved that Two-Bit had interrupted. As we walked into the waiting room, we saw a woman at the counter and when she turned I knew it was Johnny's mom. My eyes narrowed and everything broke loose as I stepped toward her.


	14. Letting You Come Close

"Yes." Her eyes narrowed, "Who are you?"

"That's none of your business and I'm glad the nurses aren't letting you see him. What you did to him is… unforgivable."

"I have a right to see him. He's my son. After all the trouble his father and I've gone through to raise him, this is our reward! He'd rather see you no-count hoodlums than his own folks." Her eyes spoke hatred and it was directed at me. "It was your fault. Always running around in the middle of the night getting jailed and heaven knows what else." I knew she wanted to go on, to tell me how horrible I was.

"Excuse me, but…" I was about to go off when Ponyboy grabbed my upper arm and pulled me away, moving to keep his hand clamped on my wrist. I heard Two-Bit say something, but I was already boiling. Our fault?! If anything, it was her fault. I hate her, I really do. I wish Ponyboy had let me take her out.

"Oh, lordy!" I heard Two-Bit this time. "He has to live with that."

When we got to Dally's room, he was arguing with a nurse. I already knew that though, I could hear him before we got into the room. "Man, am I glad to see you! These hospital people won't let me smoke, and I want out!" I smiled in spite of everything and stayed standing while Pony and Two-Bit sat down.

"Shepard came by to see me a little while ago."

"That's what Johnny said. What'd he want?"

"Said he saw my picture in the paper and couldn't believe it didn't have 'Wanted Dead or Alive' under it. He mostly came to rub it in about the rumble. Man, I hate not bein' in that." So, they were friends. Well, it's not like it boggled my mind at all.

"Kid, you scared the devil outa me the other day. I thought I killed you." Dally was looking at Pony and grinning.

"Me?" He said, looking confused. "Why?"

"When you jumped out of the church. I meant to hit you just hard enough to knock you down and put out the fire, but when you dropped like a ton of lead I thought I'd aimed too high and broke your neck." After a small pause. "I'm glad I didn't though."

"I'll bet." Pony said with a grin. I slumped against the wall and sat down on the floor, I still wasn't feeling that satisfied at the encounter with Johnny's mom. I could've gotten her real good, but Pony stopped me. I didn't blame him, I would've stopped me too.

"How's the kid?" Dally asked, so casually it made me want to strangle him. How could he act so casual when Johnny was dieing in the hospital.

"We just left him." Two-Bit's voice told me he was debating, I didn't have to look up. "I don't know about stuff like this… but… well, he seemed pretty bad to me. He passed out cold before we left him."

Dally cussed through what sounded like clenched teeth. "Two-Bit, you still got that fancy black-handled switch?"

"Yeah." Two-Bit said, sounding not in the least guarded.

"Give it here." There was some rustling and I knew Two-Bit had given Dally the switchblade. "We gotta win that fight tonight." Dally's voice was hard, as I remembered from other encounters. "We gotta get even with the Soc's. For Johnny." I could've cried, except I felt weak and all empty inside. Johnny was dieing. Fighting really wasn't going to do anything. It would make it worse, I knew it would. And people were going to get hurt. They wouldn't back down, I and all the other stand-at-the-side-watchers knew that. I didn't have to be told twice. I tilted the back of my head up so it hit the wall and closed my eyes. I would stay with Johnny for the night, no matter what the nurses said.

"Camille, c'mon, get up." I opened my eyes to see Pony's hand in front of me and I let him pull me up again. I fell into his chest and we stayed like that for a moment.

"Carry me." I muttered.

"What?" It sounded like he was laughing.

"Carry me." I repeated, and he sighed.

"I can't, they're gonna think I'm kidnapping you or something." I grinned and let go, pushing myself back a bit.

"Fine." I said and walked beside him as we left the building, closer than we had to be. Our arms kept brushing, but I ignored that now too, not trying to do it purposely. I don't know why, but Two-Bit came up between us and started off with a story, although he was rattling off a bit more than usual. Eventually, we decided to catch a bus rather than walk, so Pony and I sat on a bench and waited for Two-Bit to come back from grabbing some cigarettes.

"Are you alright, Ponyboy?" I asked. I had been watching him for a few minutes. He didn't look well and I think he was falling asleep.

"I'm fine." He said, looking over at me. I still didn't believe him.

"You don't look very well." I pressed, scooting a little closer and placing a hand on his forehead. It felt hotter than it should. He didn't lean away, but his eyes hardened a little and he started to look a little panicked.

"Don't tell anyone. I won't be able to fight tonight. C'mon Camille, I'll take some aspirin when we get back." He gave me a pleading look and it was my turn to sigh.

"Fine, but please don't go if you really aren't feeling up to it."

"You know I'll go anyway." I did know it. I stayed close to him and watched him. He watched me too. It was weird and at that moment I wanted him to kiss me so bad. His hand came up to cup my cheek again and he rubbed his thumb over the bruise just as he'd done in the hospital.

"I wish I'd been there." He said, watching my cheek.

"I know." I said, putting a hand over the one he had over the bruise. I could feel my cheeks heat up as his gaze rested, locked with mine. I didn't even really feel myself lean in, but I did feel my lips brush against his. I took my hand off his and placed my arms around his neck, closing my eyes. His other hand came to rest around my waist. It wasn't the most romantic thing in the world. I'm pretty sure he was sick and we were also at a bus stop. The place didn't matter too much though, I still felt like I was in heaven. I never thought kissing someone would be like this. To tell you the truth, this had been my first kiss.

He tried to pull me a little closer, which was awkward, because we were sitting down and he happened to knock my bruises. I flinched and pulled away a little, opening my eyes sheepishly.

"You okay?" He asked, making the pressure from his arm lighter. We were still pretty close and hadn't disentangled ourselves from each other.

"Yeah, it just stung a bit." I said, glad that the pain was dulling away. He looked a little sad and we just stayed there and then I started to blush. I wanted him to kiss me again but I doubt he would. I pulled away a little, but he kept me where I was and kissed me with a little more pressure. Who had Ponyboy kissed before? He never seemed that interested in girls, but maybe I was just a little blind that way. His hands stayed where they were and I was glad for that. I didn't want to stop him, but I didn't want him to feel me up. Before he, or I, could really do anything more, such as make the kiss more intense, a voice came close to my ear.

"What you doing?" I yelped and pulled back from Ponyboy, who looked perturbed for a second at the intruder. Two-Bit was laughing at us and wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "They grow up so fast." I was redder than a tomato and took my arms away from Ponyboy's neck, using them to hide my face. Man, Two-Bit wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut.

"Couldn't keep your hands off her, could ya Pony?" Two-Bit said, laughing as he said so. After that, it was all quiet and Pony and I were sitting a foot away from each other, with Two-Bit standing beside Pony. When the bus came, I sat in front of Pony while Two-Bit sat beside him. I'd zoned out for most of the way , thinking about the kiss. My thoughts kept shifting from one subject to another and I didn't even realize that Two-Bit and Ponyboy had been talking. I only heard what they said when we got off the bus.

"Tonight-I don't like it one bit." Pony said, and I fell behind. It was between him and Two-Bit, it was about the rumble. I wasn't going to get involved in it.

"I never knew you to play chicken in a rumble before. Not even when you was a little kid." Two-Bit replied.

"I ain't chicken, Two-Bit Matthews, and you know it." Pony said, anger evident in his voice, "Ain't I a Curtis, same as Soda and Darry?" I knew Two-Bit wouldn't be able to deny that. How can you deny blood bonds? "I mean, I got an awful feeling something's gonna happen." Great, thanks Pony, that's real reassuring to the one that's going to be worrying the whole time.

"Something is gonna happen. We're gonna stomp the Socs' guts, that's what." Two-Bit responded and then it was quiet again. We rounded the corner and there was this little red Corvette by the vacant lot. We walked over, although I wasn't sure who it was. It may have been Cherry Valance. I heard Soda talking about her with Steve, something about a spy.

"Hi Ponyboy, Hi Two-Bit. Hi…" She stopped and looked at me with confusion.

"Camille." I supported. "I'm Camille."

"Hi Camille."

"What's up with the big times?" Two-Bit asked, after we had been formally introduced. I didn't want to hear any of it, it wasn't any of my business. I walked over to a bench nearby and picked at my fingernails. I really did hate fighting, it really was just the violence of it all. The rumble just gave them another reason to go and fight someone. It wouldn't do anything. It couldn't help Johnny, the thought brought tears to my eyes, and it couldn't bring my mom back. It couldn't make my dad change and become the father he should've been. It felt like forever before an arm fell around my shoulders. I jumped away and snapped my head over.

"Pony!" I exclaimed, "You scared me." My heart was pounding three miles a minute. He looked sheepish and I looked around.

"He left." Ponyboy said and I exhaled a bit, but tensed too. No one would be around to interrupt this time.

"Well, what do you want to do?" I asked, watching him again. He shrugged.

"Fine then, I'm taking you home." He watched me lazily as I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him off the bench, not really succeeding much.

"Let's go for a walk." He said, abruptly standing up. I almost fell back, but caught myself. I glared and we walked beside each other, having a staring contest the whole way. I blinked and cursed while he let out a low chuckle.

"Go ahead Curtis, I'll win next time."

"That's what you said last time."

"Only 'cause it's the truth." I smiled, looking up at him, although it wasn't much of a stretch. He did look different with his hair the way it was, but I'd recognise him anywhere. Ponyboy knew I was staring at him and I saw his ears start to go red. Laughing silently, I turned to in front of me again. We were close to his house and I'm guessing that's where we were going.

"I thought you weren't going to let me take you home." I said, tilting my head to the side. He didn't say anything, but he didn't really need to. I guess sometimes he does listen to me. When we got inside, no one was home. It was just us. I thought sadly that if Johnny wasn't in the hospital he would be here too. With a sigh, I made my way into his kitchen, looking through the cupboards. Bored, the only word to explain what I felt. I felt an arm come around my waist and jumped, accidentally slamming a cupboard closed.

I was pulled right up to his chest and could feel his chest vibrate from trying to hold in his laughter.

"You looked bored." He said and I could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Bored, not looking like I needed to be scared out of my mind." He didn't remove his arm and he didn't say anything. We just stayed there like that, like we had in the hospital. "Pony, what does this make us now?" I asked, feeling him tense ever so slightly as I asked the question.

"What do you want us to be?" Avoiding the question with another, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

"Well… I mean… are we going to be girlfriend and boyfriend?" I said it quietly, but he heard it loudly, since the noise level in the house just wasn't there. There was a moment of silence and I started to panic, thinking he didn't want us to be that at all.

"Yeah, I'd hope so." My body completely relaxed and I turned to smile at him, giving him a quick kiss.

"Now what are we going to do?" I asked, looking around the kitchen. Living room. I pulled out of his arms and walked slowly into the living room, sitting down on the couch and turning on the TV. Of course, there was really nothing on, but what else was there to do? Ponyboy eventually sat down close to me and we watched TV for awhile. It didn't take long before I got bored and had to stand up again, stretching.

"Your house is boring, Pony." I said grudgingly. He only laughed and nodded in slight agreement.


	15. Denying The Known

Pony must've thought I wasn't looking, but I saw him take five aspirins. When he told me he'd take some, I didn't think it would be that many. That wasn't good for him, although I had done it before so I could get to sleep. I tried not to become too dependant on them, so I only did that when I really had to go to sleep. Taking them made me real drowsy.

I stayed for dinner, but I didn't actually eat much. The whole rumble thing made me worry pretty bad, considering that someone could get really hurt. Socs didn't always keep up their deals. With my fork I poked around my plate, taking small bites when I could. I was worrying myself sick and weighing down my stomach wasn't going to help much. After it was all done, I did the dishes, despite their (a. k. a Darry's) protests, and fiddled off into my own little world. I hadn't realized how worked up I could actually get until the time actually closed in. I was so caught up that when I was finished the dishes, I dried them and put them away, just to delay saying 'goodbye and good luck' to all of them.

Reminding myself to take deep breaths, I took a step out of the kitchen, spun on my heel and got a glass of chocolate milk, which they seemed to have a never ending abundance of. I sipped it slowly and when that was done, of course I had to wash the glass out! Finally, there was nothing for me to hold anything back, so I walked carefully out and this time kept putting one foot in front of the other. Two-Bit still had to arrive and that was it. With a pang I knew Dally and Johnny weren't coming, but I still half-expected them to walk through the door.

"So… everyone's all ready?" I said, in a voice I hoped sounded straight and carefree. Soda gave me his best grin and I knew it wasn't an answer to my question, but a way to reassure me everything would be fine. Steve gave a 'whoop' at the same time as Soda gave me that smile of his. Darry watched me warily and I had a feeling my reluctance to come out of the kitchen hadn't helped improve anything. My mouth felt dry and I walked over to the couch, plopping myself down a little more forcefully than I had to. I couldn't hear much in the house and it made my heart ache more.

What if something went wrong? What if someone died? Or got arrested? What would happen to them then? Deep breaths, keep yourself in check. With a wave of complete helplessness, I stood up and walked toward the front door, being careful to not look like I was in a huge hurry.

"I'm gonna head over to the hospital." Darry frowned at me, but nodded.

"Be careful."

"I will." I said this precautious, not trying to show that I was still afraid of the fact that those Socs could still jump me. They hadn't made a move yet, but I hadn't been walking by myself a lot lately, so they hadn't had a chance. The front door slammed behind me, followed by some creaky steps down the stairs, and then mostly silence as I hit the sidewalk. Heading towards the hospital, I wish I had someone with me there, just to make me feel slightly more at ease. I had to walk by the lot to get to the hospital and when I did, there were a bunch of greasers around.

"Hey!" One of them called and I stopped obediently.

"Are the Curtis gang coming?"

"Yeah!" I said, loudly enough that they could hear. They turned away, although some of them kept their eyes on me, and I walked away as quickly as I could. I didn't want to be anywhere near the rumble when it started. Thinking of how it looked, I could only shudder and keep walking along. It was silent, with only the slightest of breezes blowing gently against the leaves, creating a quiet rustling, and rolling paper and other light things along the road.

Blowing the hair out of my eyes, I arrived at the hospital, quite awhile later, and stepped up to the hospital doors. The whole while here I had jumped at any sudden unexpected sound and was happy to report nothing had attacked me in any shape or form.

The hospital was real quiet when I walked in, since it was later at night. I knew visiting hours were over, but I hoped they would let me in anyway. To my surprise, and relief, I saw the same doctor that let us see Johnny last time in the hallway and managed to catch up to him before he went any further.

"Doctor, is it okay if I stay with Johnny tonight, it must get really lonely in the hospital here." The doctor didn't speak for a moment and there was an in-explainable sadness in his eyes. I remembered seeing that same look in Ponyboy's eyes, when the doctor told us about Johnny. It was as if they knew the outcome, but couldn't conceal the truth from everyone. It made my mind go numb and blank for a moment.

"Go ahead, you can stay as long as you like. Tell the nurse I said you could go in."

"Thank you." I breathed and turned around. Before I did though, I saw him look away with a pitied expression on his face. I felt my whole body fill with dread, Johnny really was dying. The doctor knew, he wasn't hiding his emotion very well. When I walked into the room, the nurse tried to shoo me out, but I told her what the doctor had said. She pursed her lips and briskly walked out, probably to go find that doctor. Johnny had his eyes closed, but I knew he was breathing, I could see his chest gently rise and fall. I took a seat beside him and gulped.

"Johnny?" I spoke quietly and his eyes opened slowly, turning to look at me.

"Camille?"

"Yeah, how are you doing?" I mentally kicked myself. What kind of a question was that to ask someone who was dying in the hospital. I just hoped he still had time to talk to everyone before it happened.

"Fine, how's everyone?"

"Well, they're all at the rumble tonight. They all seemed pretty excited about it. I'm pretty sure those Soc's are gonna be the losers tonight." That brought a smile onto his face and he looked up at the ceiling. There was some silence and in that time I fiddled with my hands.

"Johnny… Was it worth it? To go into that church and save those kids, I mean." I said. It was a question that had been bothering me for awhile and I didn't want to ask Ponyboy, not yet. He felt guilty that Johnny was the one who had been hurt, I knew he did.

"Yes. It was." He spoke softly and his eyes matched his voice, "I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't, I would've regretted it more than I did now."

"You regret it?"

"Yeah, this isn't how I want to die. Sixteen years isn't enough." I could see his eyes glaze over. Greasers don't cry. That's what Pony had told me. Were there exceptions? Johnny was dieing, I knew he was. I didn't want to believe it, he didn't deserve to die. What had he ever done? It was self-defence when he stabbed that Soc.

"At least…" I trailed off, what could I say? My own eyes filled with tears and I choked back a sob, no way was I going to cry in front of Johnny. Who would most likely die here tonight, maybe tomorrow. He wouldn't live to see his seventeenth birthday, that I was sure of. "You knew the gang." I finished my sentence softly, unsure what way he would take it.

"There's a lot I can be happy that happened…" Johnny took a deep breath, "but there's so much more that could've happened." There was more silence, something I had become rather used to by now. There were small time amounts when time seemed to stop and all noise ceased. It was in those moments I knew that there was still massive space between us, that we weren't the best of friends we could've been. "You'll get to experience all that." I felt completely and utterly guilty now. I would, I knew it and he knew it.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking away.

"It's not… your fault." he struggled for a moment and I reflexively started to get up to move closer, but settled back in once I saw he was okay. Maybe, if I hadn't been so apprehensive about knowing so many people before and being so introverted, I might have been able to prevent this from happening.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, taking deep breaths to make sure I stayed calm. He shook his head subtly and I relaxed into my chair, forcing my muscles to relax. My presence in this room made it seem more stuffy and tense that it had been earlier. Did he even want me here? My eyes closed of their own accord and images flashed in my head.

_The day my dad left and I saw what I knew him to be for the last time. _

_The day Amber gave me her best glare, for doing nothing except trying to hide her from the painful truth. _

_The day my own father told me he had killed my mother. _

_The day that same father of mine held a gun to my forehead. _

_Ponyboy rubbing his thumb over my bruises, the most care I had ever seen shining in his eyes. _

_And then Johnny, lying in the hospital bed, hurt and pain clearly evident in his eyes. _

My own flashed open and I sighed loudly, so much that it made me jump at how much it echoed through the room. Johnny was staring at the ceiling. This wasn't how I wanted it to turn out.

"Do you need anything?" I heard myself asking, although I can't remember saying it.

"No." Johnny said, strong and straight spoken. I collapsed into myself and rubbed my temples. Was he mad at me? "I want you to tell Dally somethin'."

"What?" I whispered, my tone telling him to go on.

"Tell him I'm sorry I couldn't be tough like him. That I'm sorry I couldn't just tell my dad to leave me alone, that I let him treat me like that." Johnny took a deep breath and this time I saw a tear roll down his cheek. "Tell Dally that he has to always fight to live. Tell him that I don't want him to die if I do. I don't know if he'll be torn about my death or not, but tell him anyway. Tell him to enjoy the small things. Tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't be more tough like him. Tell him, I'm not sure I'll be able to."

"No, no." I said firmly, but my voice shook on a slight waver. "You'll be able to tell him yourself. You will." Even as I said it, I knew I was lying.

"You know it as much as I do that I won't be able to."

"Johnny…" I started, but he shook his head to silence me.

"Don't try to comfort me like that. I've had time to think about it, and although I do regret having to die like this, I'm still glad I saved those kids. " I saw another few tears slide down his cheeks. It was almost enough to make me want to run, but I put each hand on the others upper arm and squeezed to keep myself in check. "I don't want to die with any regrets."

"You won't die." I said, my teeth clenching in denial. "You're strong." He didn't say anything, but I hoped he believed me. I thought he was amazingly strong. Through this whole ordeal, he hadn't freaked out or gone berserk or felt sorry for only himself. He didn't stay selfish and he didn't whine and complain. He spoke what he felt and honesty was all I wanted from him right now.

"You really are, Johnny. Please believe me." I said, begging him to understand where I was coming from.

"I don't think of myself as strong." It was mostly him talking to himself I think.

"You should." I spoke. "I'm not talking about physical strong, I'm talking about mentally strong. Not cold and tough like Dallas strong. No, it's your own strong." In a way, I doubt it helped him too terribly much, but to me it meant the world to get that out.

"You're stronger than I am." I looked up and stared at him, frozen with shock.

"No, that you're wrong on." I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, you are." I felt my frustration bubble. He wasn't listening.

"I cry too much to be strong." Johnny gave me a strange look out of the corner out of his eye. As if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"That doesn't mean you're not strong." Johnny spoke confidently.

"Explain to me." I said, my voice small. There was silence and I felt a bitter grin come onto my face. "See? You can't." There was more silence.

"Ponyboy cares for you a lot." said Johnny, not looking at me. "He couldn't stop talking about you when we were in that church." It made my heart swell, but at the same time it hit a certain pang. In a way, I felt that Ponyboy should be telling me this, but if Johnny wanted to, I wouldn't stop him. I wanted to hear it and if he wanted to tell me, so close to his death, I couldn't refuse him. "He kept talking about how sorry he was about that fight you'd had and how he wanted to say sorry. It hit too close to home for him, the thing with his parents."

"I know." I said, looking down at my hands resting in my lap, "I was out of line."

"No, you just wanted to help." I could hear Johnny, but I didn't want to look at him.

"Yeah. I did."

"Past tense?" There was something in Johnny's voice that made me look up, something smug.

"You're awful talkative for someone who's suppose to be quiet." I said, my own smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. Johnny smiled, looking kinda happy since I came in, and continued to speak.

"So it is past tense." He said it with finality, I had completely forgotten about the question.

"No! I don't know if he wants me to help though." I was confiding everything in Johnny, because I knew my secrets would die with him. He didn't have a lot of time to tell anybody anything about what we were talking about. I felt wrong in telling him all this, but at the same time relieved.

"Ask him." I jumped at the thought, it was too simple an answer.

"That's a bit… forward." I spoke with another slight waver, hopefully undetectable. He laughed and then stopped, suddenly pained. I didn't jump this time, but watched him with pitying eyes. A nurse came in to check up on him and as she did so, I felt my eyes droop. Despite the uncomfortable position I was in for sleeping, my eyelids fell and I drifted off.

When I woke up, I didn't expect to find the nurse writing something that Johnny was saying. A letter, to who? I didn't know, but I had a vague idea.


	16. What We Want Left Behind

The doctor had come in to tell me awhile ago, after the nurse had left, that Johnny was dieing, but I already knew that. In my head, I repeated the phrase over and over again, hoping it would create a different effect on my body.

_I already knew that. I already knew that. I already knew that. _

It didn't do much, only made my heartbreak increase in size. It really felt like someone had dropped an anvil over my head for the past few hours, since I had been with Johnny, and was now deciding to smash it into my head. It made my whole body hurt and the grief I did suffer was indescribable. I barely knew this kid, but I still felt responsible for all this. What if Pony and I hadn't gotten into that fight, would I have been able to stop them leaving? Told them that staying would work out? To be truthful, I don't think it would've mattered.

Walking back into the room, I saw that Johnny was paler than he had been and tears stung at my eyes again. Blinking them away, I sat down in my chair I had been in since the beginning. There wasn't any talking between Johnny and I because we both knew. We both knew he was dieing. At times, I would open my mouth to say something, but would only close it again. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know what to do. Should I call everybody and tell them to get over here? That Johnny was dieing? It seemed impersonal and I didn't want to leave the room. I didn't want to make that call and have to tell them that news. I didn't want to have to tell them that he was dieing and would probably never be able to play football with them in the lot. Worst of all, I didn't want to come back from making that call and have him dead already. So I sat there, pressure weighing down on me and waited for something.

---

"I'm sorry, boys, but he's dieing." The doctors voice rang through my ears and I turned in my chair to see the doctor talking to someone hidden from my eyesight. Who was it? The gang? Had they realized what was happening? Had the doctor called them? Questions rang through my head and I watched the doctor with wide eyes, hoping beyond hope he would let them in.

"We gotta see him. We're gonna see him and if you give me any static you'll end up on your own operatin' table." I knew it was Dally, it sounded a lot like him, except for the shake and waver in his voice.

"You can see him, but it's because you're his friends, not because of that knife." They both came rushing in and I settled my eyes on them, feeling relieved and sick all in the same breath.

"Johnnycake?" Dally had a hoarse voice that gave me no hope and I pulled myself farther into my shell, "Johnny?"

There was a stir from the body on the bed and then a soft, "Hey."

"We won." Dally sounded out of breath and I felt my heartbeat steadily ring through my chest. This was it, this was the end, the last confrontation. I closed my eyes and just listened, not wanting to witness any of it. "We beat the Socs. We stomped them, chased them outa our territory."

"Useless… fightings no good…" I didn't want to see Johnny struggling to talk or that pale face I know had gotten paler since the last time I had looked. Was this suppose to be how people died?

"They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." The shake and waver had disappeared, left with calm undertones that made me want to scream at him.

_"Johnny's dieing! He's dieing and all you can do is stand there!" _But I didn't.

"Yeah, they're calling you a hero now and heroizin' all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy." It was true, we all were proud of how brave he had been. I suspected even Dally felt it, but at the same time, I felt like maybe he couldn't understand it.

"Ponyboy." I barely heard it and squeezed my eyes shut, getting up and walking until I hit a wall so Ponyboy could have room for Johnny to talk, I didn't hear any of it, but opened my eyes and watched Johnny's lips move as he whispered those final words. Then, it was over, just like that, and he was gone.

"This wasn't how it was suppose to turn out." My voice sounded hollow and not like mine at all.

I looked away from the person lying on the bed, away from Ponyboy and Dally. This all had to be a dream. I couldn't understand any of this. He wasn't my friend, I barely knew him, and yet the fact that he had died. It shook me to my core, it made my blood freeze. Nothing could ever be the same, not for anybody. His parents, would they care at all? I knew his dad probably wouldn't, not from the things Ponyboy had told me about him. His mom, did she really mean to be like that? Well, she must've known that Johnny was tormented, abused, by his father. She added to that, no one would care what her protests were.

"Never could keep that hair back… that's what you get for tryin' to help people, you little punk, that's what you get." He had reached over to push Johnny's hair back as he spoke and for that one moment, I saw Dallas Winston, resident tough guy, at his weakest. With just as suddenly as he had become tender, he slammed back against the wall and I jumped despite it all. I had never seen this side of Dallas, I never thought I would. He looked like he was in agony and sweat was falling down his face in rivers.

"Dammit Johnny." He sounded like he was begging Johnny for something. His fist connected with the wall and I jumped again, I was on edge. My body was shaking, trembling even, and I wanted to curl up into a ball and just cry. I didn't want to look at Ponyboy, so I could only keep my eyes on Dallas as he hammered the wall with his fists.

"Oh, dammit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die…" There's nothing you can do! I wanted to shout, feeling emotions tear my insides to pieces. If Dallas was taking it this hard and he was suppose to be the tough one, how could everyone else take it. Maybe the death effected him more than anybody. As I was lost in my thoughts, Dally was out the door and down the hall before I could blink.

Ponyboy was out of it and left without giving me a second glance. I felt completely useless. I was in this room with a dead body. We'd talked for more than an hour, more than two hours. I was with him in his last hours and I still hadn't said what I'd wanted to. I hadn't told him I thought of him as a friend, but he'd told me all that he thought about me. I leaned against the wall and fell until I rested on the floor, everything hurt. All the pain and suffering that I had gone through came in currents, and I found myself sobbing, gasping for breath at every moment. I was still sobbing when I stood up and walked over to the bed, looking down at Johnny's face.

"You… you were real brave Johnny." I spoke confidently, but I felt small and scared on the inside. "I'm proud of you and Dally's proud of you. You're really something, you risked your life for this kids. I'm sorry it didn't turn out better. Still, I'm glad I got to know you. I'll keep Pony in line like you told me to and I'll come visit your grave as often as I can. We can talk like we did before alright? I'll see you around, Johnnycake." I said and backed out of the room, my sobs now back with a vengeance. I walked down the hall and out the hospital doors. Everything Johnny had said to me came back.

_Tell Dally that he has to always fight to live. Tell him that I don't want him to die if I do. I don't know if he'll be torn about my death or not, but tell him anyway. Tell him to enjoy the small things. Tell him that I'm sorry I couldn't be more tough like him. Tell him, I'm not sure I'll be able too… _

There was more to that, I know there was, but I couldn't remember. There was the roar of sirens and I saw them flashing around the corner by the lot. I stopped a few feet from the yellow streetlight, just as Dally halted inside it, pulling a gun from his waistband.

"Dallas!" I heard myself whisper, trying in a vain attempt to get his attention, as bullets spit from the guns lodged themselves in his body and he fell. Everything was quiet and I stood there, watching in horror at Dally's still open eyes, that last smile on his face.

"But I promised." I whispered, "I promised." I broke my promise. I couldn't move from the place I was in, but a police officer grabbed me and I felt myself go from his hands to someone else's. I felt my mind go numb. I felt stupid that I couldn't do anything. If I'd left the hospital even a moment earlier, I may have been able to stop him. My regrets felt larger than life and I could feel my heart pound. What everyone was saying or doing was lost to me.

"Glory, look at the kid!" The only thing I heard since the gunshots, and broke out of the persons arms, turning just in time to see Ponyboy fall and almost hit the ground, but Darry grabbed him in time.

"Ponyboy! Ponyboy!" I kept yelling his name. Was he dead? I was afraid I was really going to lose him, that I would lose three different people. I had lost them all and it was my fault. Nobody could change that, it had to have been my fault. Who else's could it have been? In my mind, this was irriational thinking, but I didn't care and pushed it away.

Everything else turned into a blur as I wished I could just pass out and pretend everything that had happened was all a dream. That nobody was dead and I had tripped, hit my head on the table and had this horrible nightmare.

---

Steve ended up giving me a ride home. I had wanted to go to the hospital with Ponyboy and they had let me stay there for a few hours, but as soon as the doctor came back, they got Steve to give me a ride home. The doctor had been there since I came and knew I was exhausted. Physically and mentally.

"She just needs rest." The doctor had said, watching me waver on my feet before Sodapop wrapped an arm around my shoulders. It was quiet and I had pulled my knees up to my chest, Ponyboy had a number of things wrong with him. Together, they made him pretty sick, but he would get better. It wasn't life threatening, it couldn't be.

They had let me see him for a minute and seeing him all pale in that bed had reminded me of Johnny, he was delirious too. He was having a fit when Sodapop told Steve, or asked more like, to give me a ride home. He hadn't seemed to happy about it, but did it anyway. I had begged to stay, but both Sodapop and Darry said it would be better. When Pony woke up, it wouldn't do anything to ease his mind that I had gotten myself sick worrying over him. So, with reluctance, I'd left.

Stopping outside my house, Steve gave me a soft look and I got out of the car slowly.

"Thanks." I said, weary from everything that had happened. He gave me a reply I didn't hear and drove off. I watched him leave and then walked into my house, finding Serenity in the kitchen, her head in her hands.

"Serenity?" I asked, feeling heavy from everything. She lifted her head out of her hands and turned to look at me. It was quiet and still for a moment before she got up and enveloped me in a tight hug.

"Where have you been?" She asked me fiercely, hugging me so tightly I felt as if nothing could get at me. It was different than the one I had with Pony. Just being in his arms made me feel safe, loved. Serenity's arms made me feel content, like a mother's hug.

"At the hospital." I said and she pulled back to look over my body. "Johnny was hurt and he…" The word slipped from my grasp, but she understood.

"That Cade boy?" She looked bewildered, "The one that had his back broken from the fire." I could only nod. "I didn't know you were there, I would've come to see you." _That's right, Serenity works there. _With everything that had happened, I had completely forgotten. Her eyes softened and she pulled me back into the hug.

"Dallas too, he wasn't hurt in the fire, but he's with Johnny now." I couldn't bring myself to say the word, but rambled on. "And now Pony's in the hospital. He has a concussion and he's sick." I could feel tears coming on again.

"Go on and get some sleep alright?" Serenity said softly, "I'll wake you up if anyone calls."

I barely remember heading upstairs or actually getting into bed. I do remember the morning though, the quietness of it and how I had this instinct that there was something going on downstairs. I was so tired, I could barely get up from the bed still. Forcing myself, I opened my door and felt my heart stop when I heard a begging mumble and then that voice, that one voice I thought I'd never hear again.

--------------------------------------------

**All reviews are continually welcome. I know I haven't been a very good reviewer, but I'm going to get better. I'm trying to review all the stories I read, which, mind you, is A LOT. **

**Thanks Again. **


	17. It's Come Such A Long Way

It was one thing for him to hold a gun to my head, a completely different matter when he pointed it at my**family**. I glared at him with such a ferocity, it drove him back a step, toward the two cowering figures, which made the flame in my eyes flare.

Serenity and Sam huddled together, with Serenity trying to cover her daughter with her own arms, but not succeeding much. Sam had her eyes closed and I could see the glitter of tears under her eyes and down her cheeks. Serenity's eyes were open and full of panic as she whimpered when my father took a step from me towards her.

"I thought I'd have to actually shoot someone to wake you up." He laughed cruelly and I felt something rise in my throat, getting lodged there. No, I was mad, not sad.

"I'll kill you." I gritted out through clenched teeth. "I'll kill you if you hurt them." He stepped closer to me and I held my ground. Never again would I back down from him, this was the last time, the last confrontation.

"Really? Didn't think you had it in you." I was weary from the whole thing with him. I still found it kinda funny, although in a sad way, that I couldn't say his name. My father came up close to me and tapped my head with the gun. It clunked against my skull and I cringed, but other than that, made no reaction. He watched me and broke out in laughter, holding his side with one hand. It was the only sound in the whole room. Both Serenity and Sam were both holding each other, eyes open and watching the pair of us.

The gun clicked as he abruptly stopped his laughter and cocked the gun at my forehead. I stared at him, unblinking. I truly expected him to shoot me right there and then, but it was a few moments before I myself lowered his gun and pressed it against where my heart lay underneath.

"I'm your own flesh and blood, you know." I said, tightening my grip. He kept his gaze on mine, his mouth a thin line. "If you shoot me, there's no one left to what you use to have. Is that what it is? You don't want to forget about my mother, so you keep me alive, hoping it will keep her alive. Well, I hate to tell you this, but she's dead. And you're the one who killed her." His face flashed from neutral to angry and he backhanded me across the face, the gun striking the blow. My head turned and I was thrown off balance, but I regained it and turned back to him.

"What? Did I strike a cord?" He pointed the gun back at the duo and they shut there eyes tight. I took a step forward, but he held up a finger and wagged it back and forth.

"Another word and I shoot. Don't doubt me, it's not hard to kill a stranger you know." His glare took a fight with mine and I forced myself to pressure mine more. I wouldn't lose to him. "Now, I want you to take this gun and shoot yourself." I froze, looking at the new gun he retrieved from his pocket. "What are you doing? If you don't, I'll kill one of them and guess which one that will be?" He cocked his gun and stepped back to them, leaving the gun on the floor in front of me. He cocked the gun to Sam's temple and I froze. There was no way around this, no way to avoid it.

"Don't!" Sam voiced as I leaned down, my fingers an inch from retrieving the gun. She shied away from the gun touching her temple, but her voice spoke volumes to me. "Don't do this. I don't want you to die." Tears spilled over my lids, but I picked up the gun anyway. I held it to my chest and silently cocked it. I knew how to use it, one pull of the trigger that's all I needed. My father watched with a hunger, something I knew would never be saturated fully until this one task had been done.

My hands trembled, my whole body trembled, but I couldn't just jerk my finger and pull the trigger. I couldn't kill myself. My father was getting angry, but I couldn't do it, despite what was at stake.

"Do it!" He yelled so loud and with such force spit flew from his mouth. He jerked the gun to me and I dropped my own. I didn't realize it until it had gone off, the bullet shooting through my leg. It was a trail of fire as I hit the floor and gulped in air. It hurt so much, I couldn't breath for a moment and my hand instinctively clasped around my bleeding leg. I could barely register what was around me and sunk to lay down on the floor, my hand still clasped under my back leg. I felt heavy footsteps run past me, stop, for barely a blink, before running again and then a pair of hands were touching my arms and pushing back my hair. Calling my name over and over again, but it hurt so much and I didn't want to hear anything, so I blacked out.

----

he hospital lights above me made me blink and lift an arm to shield my eyes as they adjusted. It was quiet except for some quiet beeping coming from somewhere around me. I dropped my arm once my eyes adjusted and watched the area above me, frowning. My leg throbbed, but the pain I had felt before had faded and I sunk into the bed with relief. Hearing a noise and shuffle near the edge of my bed, I turned my head and stared at Serenity, who had fallen asleep in a chair near the bed. Sam was beside her in another chair, curled up and breathing deeply. I furrowed my brow, what were they doing here?

"Serenity?" I asked, my voice weak and tired. "Serenity." She stirred like I knew she would and her eyes opened to stare over at me. It took her a moment to realize I was staring back at her and she radiated relief. Not only did she jump out of her chair and scream for a doctor, but she leaned over and hugged me so tightly I was sure I would black out again from lack of air. The doctor came rushing in and a grin broke out on his face as well to see me.

He was silent though and started to check me out, while Serenity went to call everyone, who I assumed was Rain, and just Rain. Sam watched me with tears in her eyes and as soon as the doctor was done making sure I was okay, she sat on the edge of my bed and gave me a hug. It warmed my heart and I wrapped an arm around her as well.

"We were so scared. You were just moaning and crying and then you blacked out." I hadn't even realized I'd been crying, all I could remember was slowly fading to the black.

"Well, I'm fine now, so don't worry alright?"

"Okay." Sam smiled and slid back to her chair, glancing towards the door, waiting for her mother. I had never asked what had happened to their father. I couldn't even remember if I'd been told something before, but now it struck a deep chord. I ignored it, I couldn't ask. Not… not with what had just happened.

Serenity returned and was beaming.

"She's on her way, with Julie." She said, "and they're so glad you're okay."

I stared up at the ceiling, feeling a dread build in my chest. "My dad…"

"We'll talk later, you need to relax right now." I nodded and Sam watched us with a look of interest and sudden fear. I knew the whole experience would terrorize her for awhile and longer than I would want her too, it didn't make me feel any better.

We talked about what had happened in the last two weeks and it was then that I noticed all the flowers around me and the small teddy bears. Turns out that a few friends from school had sent me these items, ever since they had heard about what happened. Serenity told me that numerous people had come in and talked to me while I was in my coma.

"Katie and Summer came by so much, more than anybody." Serenity told me, her smile wide, but sad. I looked up at the ceiling, the last time I had checked, they had been extremely mad at me. Both of them had been.

What had changed?

"Camille? Oh honey." Rain rushed forward and I was surprised at the speed that she'd gotten here.

"Hey…" I stuttered, blushing as I realized how weak I did look. My leg was bandaged near my thigh, I could feel the bandages now, itchy and uncomfortable. Rain hugged me just as hard as Serenity had and I saw Julie walk over to Sam and smile. I could see the new relaxation in her shoulders and found myself smiling at it. Everything was okay, nobody had gotten seriously hurt really, and I was with my family. The thought broke open the wound of Ponyboy and I couldn't help but let out a cry, soft and subtle, but they caught it.

"Camille…" Serenity trailed off and I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder affectionately. I gently eased myself down from my slight hysteria and smiled.

"It's okay, I'm alright. You don't have to worry." They didn't believe me and I hadn't guessed they would.

---

"So, my dad." I asked, laying in my bed at home and staring up at the ceiling. They had finally let me come home from the hospital after a week and I still hadn't talked to Pony or anybody yet. I wanted to know how he was, but I couldn't bring myself to be so impersonal and call. I wanted to see him and kiss him again. That's really all I wanted.

"He left…" She bit her lip and then went on, "and the police and an ambulance came. I had to tell them what happened and they picked him up, on the way out of town." I closed my eyes and breathed easily.

"So what happens now?" There was more silence as I let my eyes drift closed, trying to remember the happy memories of my father, of what I use to know.

"He's going to jail." She didn't list the charges and she didn't elaborate, but I knew.

"I don't know what will happen to him there." I said, my voice sounding oddly dull. "And despite what he did to me, I don't want him to go there." Serenity made an effort not to look surprised.

"But he hurt you and tried to make you shoot yourself."

"You don't get it. None of that matters. What about your parents? Huh? Would you still love them, even if they wanted you dead?"

"Camille… you can't blame yourself for how he turned out." She was trying to soothe me and I fidgeted out of sudden discomfort. "My parents… I should tell you about them shouldn't I?" I watched her expression carefully, but it was open, more open that I had ever seen.

"You should know too…" I said, trying to make my face as open as hers. "What happened to my mom. I mean, what actually happened, what I figured out."

"Me first?"

"Please." I said, finding that what was coming from me would be painful enough to send me into a fit of hysterics.

"Before Samantha was born." She started as I turned my gaze back to the ceiling. "My parents paid for everything I wanted, my school expenses, board, food, clothes, jewellery, everything."

"They're Socs?" I asked, finding myself oddly interested.

"They're not called that where they live, but yes, here they would be called 'Socs'." Unlike most, Serenity knew about the whole 'Soc' and 'Greaser' thing, I'm not sure who told her, but someone had. "And, unfortunately, they acted like it too. Nothing was good enough for them. I would get an 90 on a test and they'd ask me why I hadn't gotten higher, even though I'd gotten the highest mark in the class." I pursed my lips and turned to her.

"I wish my parents had been around to show me disappointment." I was being bitter and she knew it. Her gaze was blank and I knew she was shutting down and away from me, but she continued anyway.

"I had everything I'd ever wanted and then he came along, the perfection I'd always craved." I could feel the foreshadowing and knew it was Sam's father, the person I had never heard of, not once. "Me? Well, I went for the bad boy. He rode motorcycles, had a tattoo, did all the drugs imaginable, smoked, drunk a lot. Yeah, all that."

"I've never met a guy like that." I mused aloud, thinking of Dallas, but I knew he didn't do all the things that guy had. The thing was, Dallas was a lower class hood and this man Serenity talked about… he was a rich one.

"I met him on the street, when I'd seen his motorcycle. He approached me when I'd stopped to admire it and asked me out. Just like that, bluntly enough that I couldn't answer for a moment. When I did say yes, he grinned and asked for my number and address. Well, it all went well. We went out loads of time and each time we did, I fell deeper and deeper into what I knew I shouldn't. So there was a time, the time, to meet my parents. Oh, when they saw him…" She trailed off and she didn't have to explain the dual looks of disappointment they had worn.

"They didn't like him."

"Not at all." Serenity made another effort to give me a small smile. "They disapproved of him immensely, but I loved him too much to care."

"I got pregnant a few months after that." I frowned when she didn't go on about what had happened at her parents house, but forced myself not to say anything or protest. "Let's just say he wasn't happy about it."

"So he left." I stated, but she shook her head.

"He stuck around, but it got a lot harder after that. Once my parents found out, and I refused to get an abortion, they stopped paying for everything of mine. And me, who hadn't ever had a job, had to get one. Brett… he refused to get one. Telling me that if I wanted my baby, I had to work for it. So, after three months of turned downs, I got a lucky job as a secretary. Thing was… they told me that once I took work off for my baby, after he/she, because at that time I hadn't known, I would be fired. So, I took that and hoped it would work out. Besides that, I was still working through university. Lucky thing was, I would graduate with my degree before my baby was born. Maybe my only lucky break."

"And after the birth?" Despite the aura of the story, I was still interested enough to keep asking questions to press her on.

"That's when things went downhill really bad." She paused and I could see the pain from before leak into her irises, filling her eyes with a look of heartbreak. "When Brett found… when he found out that the baby was… was a girl…" she trailed off to gather her senses as she stumbled. "He left, he stayed for the birth and then just like that… he was gone. He never even stuck around to help me name her."

"Serenity… I'm sorry." I felt truly sorry and reached over to grab a hand that was resting on her lap.

"It's alright, what happens next isn't important."

"Yes, it is."

"Camille, I can't tell you about it. You want to become a mother someday right? Well, I'm not going to tell you what I went through. At the age your at, you'll second guess yourself more than you should." I didn't press, because I knew it was true.

"My mother…" I said after a pause, because I knew it was my turn. "she was killed and it wasn't an accident like the police thought and originally documented. I knew someone had killed her, all along, but I hadn't known who for a long time." I took in a shuddering breath and stopped, glancing around my room. All of it, so familiar and yet so distant.

"Go on…" Serenity spoke after awhile, placing her hand on mine that had carelessly swept away from hers once I started to start my own story.

"My father killed her." I cried pitifully and Serenity grasped my hand a little tighter. My story was shorter than hers, but just as painful, if not more. After awhile, Serenity left and I fell asleep.

I dreamt of that terrible night with my mother, split into an assorted piece of jigsaw puzzle pieces. I didn't want to remember and when I woke up, I remembered it all and wept more because of it. Tired of it, I turned onto my side and tested my leg, deciding it wasn't quite ready yet.

A physiotherapist was coming over tomorrow, to start helping me with everything. I felt weak now and knew I wouldn't be seeing Ponyboy personally for awhile.


	18. Letting You Finally Know

So, this is what a month and a half of physiotherapy and a lot of hard work got me. In front of the Curtis house, playing with the hem of my shirt as I debated whether or not I wanted to go inside. My leg was weary and a little sore still, so it gave me lots of time to think before I moved again. The doctor, after assessing how well my leg was a day ago, told me that I should take it easy still. I took an hour walk today and believe me when I say my leg was pretty sore.

Nobody had called me or seen me, other than a visit from Katie and Summer, since Steve took me home when Ponyboy was in the hospital. I hadn't been in school for awhile, Serenity said it would be bad if people knew I'd gotten shot by myself because my father told me to. Yeah, that would look real nice. So, it was Saturday and I'd finally worked up the courage to come over here. Pony had to be better by now, right? I mean, it had been a month and half, he couldn't be sick for that long. He was probably pretty sad, grief stricken more like, and I understood that. However, wasn't he at least a little bit worried about me? I mean, we hadn't talked in almost two months… and I was worried about him. Was his reasons the same as mine? However, I literally couldn't get up and go see him, I'm sure he was capable of walking.

Taking a breath, I walked up to the front door, only a slight limp in my step, and stopped there. I didn't know if I could do this. Should I? With a sudden impulse, I rapped my knuckles on the door and dropped it, shifting gently onto my good leg. There was some loud thumping, over the loud music, and then the door opened. Two-Bit stared at me like I'd grown two heads and suddenly his face broke out in a grin.

"Camille!" He exclaimed, picking me up and spinning me. I laughed despite my spinning head, but he put me down a little harshly and I stumbled before picking myself up. "You okay?" He must've noticed.

"Yeah, don't worry." I smiled. I walked into the living room behind him and wasn't graced with that much attention. There was really only Steve and Sodapop playing poker of some sort and they were so engulfed in it, they hadn't noticed me.

"Well," I said, raising my voice slightly over the music, It caused Sodapop to look up and then grin, "I guess I should be leaving then."

"Cammy!" He yelled, hugging me tightly.

"It's nice to see you too Soda." I laughed, hugging him back. He surveyed me over before pulling back.

"Where've you been?"

"Oh, here and there."

"Nice to see you're okay kid." Steve said, twisting in his seat to face me. I nodded in his direction and felt the question in the back of my mind, but didn't say anything. I joined in to poker, or tried too, and ended up losing so severely that they gave me a break.

"You owe Soda seventy-five dollars in one game?" Two-Bit raised an eyebrow.

"What? I went for it." I grinned and set my cards down on the table, leaning back in my chair.

"Um… Soda?" I asked, becoming a little timid now. "Where's, um, where's Pony?" Sodapop gave me a blank stare before slapping a hand to his forehead.

"He's upstairs. I should've realised you'd want to see him." I felt my cheeks burn and then stood up and heading upstairs.

"Keep the door open!" Two-Bit called and howled with laughter. The steps felt like a huge stretch, but I pushed up them and found myself outside Pony's room, the one he shared with Soda. He was sitting at the desk and didn't acknowledge that anyone had come in. I took a few steps in and then stopped, taking in my surroundings. It seemed different, but I wasn't sure how.

"Soda, I'm fine really." Pony said, not turning around, "Don't worry."

"Pony… I'm not Sodapop." He turned around in his seat and gaped openly at me. What? Did I look that bad? There was just a strand of electricity that connected us and then he stood, his eyes not leaving mine. As he came closer, the strand increased in connectivity and sparked with such a ferocity it kept me in my place, despite how I wanted to step back. He stood a foot away from me.

"Where've ya been?"

"At home." I said and he flinched noticeably, looking away.

"I'm sorry I didn't come around…"

"Pony, it's alright. I mean, I'm here now… so." I trailed off as his gaze connected with mine again. I took the next step and wrapped my arms around him, inhaling his scent and snuggling my face into his neck. His own arms came around me and hugged me tight to him, I knew he didn't want to let me go.

"Are you alright?" He whispered, his breath tickling my ear deliciously.

"I'm fine." I murmured, closing my eyes and just enjoying his touch. We stood there for a moment before pulling back and then it was only another moment before I pressed my lips to his, applying slight pressure. He accepted happily and managed to get my mouth open, which didn't take long and his tongue was inside my mouth. Everywhere, leaving a trail of hot magma, just tasting me. I battled him, but he didn't give up very easily and then I pulled away, breathing heavily.

"I missed you." I said, "And there's a lot I have to tell you."

----

When Ponyboy found out everything, about my mother and my father, and everything else I could think of, he didn't act like I thought he would. At first, I thought he was going to stay and comfort me, but his face contorted into something painful and then stood up abruptly and left. I broke down and sobbed into my hands.

"Camille?" Sodapop peeked in through the door and when he saw me he came over to place his arms around me, like he'd done when Ponyboy was away. I sniffled away my tears as fast as I could and pulled back from Sodapop, trying not to look like I'd just been bawling.

"Where… where did he go?" I asked weakly, wanting to know and yet not wanting to find out. Sodapop watched me for a moment without any expression on his face and then spoke softly.

"He went to visit Johnny." My heart clenched and I looked away. I had tried to push Johnny out of my mind, but in every spare moment I had, all I had been able to think of was him in the hospital or Ponyboy. What was it like just before you were about to die? It wasn't an easy question and I doubt even Johnny would've been able to answer me if I asked.

"I'll…" I paused, thinking. "I'll go see him." Sodapop looked like he wanted to say something else, but pulled back from it and nodded before heading back downstairs. I took a deep breath to calm myself; the thought of visiting Johnny's grave scared me, even though I'd told him I would visit all the time.

As I passed the living room, Soda gave me an encouraging smile which I gratefully returned. I tried to walk normally, but I could tell the small limp was still pretty noticeable. It would go away in time, I hoped. The cemetery was farther away then I thought and by the time I got there, my leg was throbbing achingly. It took me another fifteen minutes to locate Johnny's gravestone; no Ponyboy. The air was quiet, except for the occasional hum of cars that went by. His grave wasn't in a favourable spot and was pushed off to the side, forgotten. Around me were small vases or bundles of flowers, which I realized I should've brought with me because his was bare. Nonetheless, I felt compelled to sit down and continued to keep my gaze on the gravestone as I did.

Fiddling with my fingers, I spoke "Hey Johnny." It felt weird when I expected a reply and I closed my eyes when the realization hit me soon after that he wouldn't be replying. "I know I haven't visited you lately when I told you I would, but there's been some stuff going on…"

The wind rushed through a tree nearby and I shuddered when a leaf landed on my shoulder. I went on, "You didn't know my dad, but well… there was a confrontation the other day. You didn't really know that he wasn't around though, did you?" I asked, still expecting an answer. He use to be able to answer. "He hasn't been around since I was twelve, and my mom hasn't really been around for awhile, but for a different reason. I found out recently that… well, my dad left me alone to go off with his other wife. Did you know they had three kids? Three, and one of them is my age. Can you believe that? Aren't fathers suppose to love their kids?" I winced after a moment and closed my eyes to take a deep breath. "Sorry Johnny, I didn't mean it like that."

A bird landed on the small fence surrounding the area and made twitchy movements as it watched me. "Still, I want to meet them. His other kids I mean, my… half-siblings." I took a deep breath and took a shuddering breath. "My dad's going to jail. What's gonna happen to his kids and his wife? They don't know about me or mom, so…" Despite my best efforts, my nose started to prickle, telling me that tears were on their way. "What will happen to them? He's done so many things, but will he be prosecuted for them all? He killed my mom so many years ago, he tried to kill me and abandon me." I didn't let my voice waver and reached out a hand to brush the slab of stone in front of me.

"Serenity and Sam are happy I'm okay and we've become closer, but I don't think… I don't know what will happen when all this gets out. I mean, if my mom is dead, and my dad's going to jail, does that give his wife custody of me?" My suspicions and fear were pouring out of me and into the ground, desperately trying to reach his ears, anyone's ears. "How is this going to change? How will it effect everyone? When Pony found out, he left me all alone. It might sound crazy, but when he left then I felt real lonely." I stopped and let the silence permeate the air for a moment. "I want to tell you everything that's ever happened to me, Johnny. I need someone to listen to everything that's happened to me over the past few years. I hope you're okay with that Johnny, because I can't keep it in anymore."

For the next hour I talked about everything, all my fears, success', all my emotions and feelings. Every little thing that had happened. At the end of it all, I felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders and I didn't care that my legs were numb, I felt better.

"Thanks, Johnny. " I said smiling and stood up, letting my hand linger for a moment longer on the gravestone before walking away. I felt terrible just turning my back on him, but I couldn't stay out here any longer. Ponyboy had long enough to cool off, and I think I knew where he was now. It took me a little longer to get there, but when I did, it was clear I had been right. He had his back to the sidewalk and the street and was sitting quite still.

"Pony?" I asked and he stiffened before turning slowly.

"I expected you to be here sooner." He replied, his expression thoughtful and sad.

"I was at Johnny's grave." I told him, and I could see his eyes deepen. "I thought you'd be there and when you weren't…I got caught up."

"I'm sorry for running out on you." He said, as if he'd heard everything I'd said to Johnny. "It's not that I'm mad."

"You sure?" I asked. "Because you got out of there really fast."

"I know." Pony said, and turned back around. I walked over to him and sat down in front of him, leaning over to cup his face and lift it up. He made no argument against it and looked up at me.

"It's… I don't want anything to be different Pony." I said, "I don't want you to worry about me all the time. My dad's probably going to jail, Serenity and Sam and I have everything alright now."

"I know."

"No, you don't. Right now, you're sitting there watching me like I might break if you even breath on me." He darted his eyes away from mine, proving I'd hit the spot correctly. Slightly annoyed, I grabbed his hand and held it in mine, while my other hand still rested on his face. "I'm not that fragile. I've made it this far."

"I should've told someone when you told me about those bruises in the hospital."

"No. It would've made things worse. I would've hated you." He looked back at me and I felt tears prickle at my eyes again. I was suppose to be strong, I wasn't suppose to cry. What was happening to me? "I don't want to hate you."

"You sure you don't already do."

"Pretty sure." I said, trying to put a smile on my face, but found I couldn't. "At least, I hope I don't."

"You hope?" He gave me sceptical look, asking me to explain.

"Well, in a way, I want to hate you, but in a way I don't. I mean…" I started to explain at his confused expression. "my mind wants to hate you for leaving me all alone, but my heart doesn't think it can handle it." I laughed at how sappy it sounded.

"Really." He watched me with a blank expression and leaned over to place a gently kiss on my lips, which I gladly excepted. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone."

"I've forgiven you for all that. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here." I told him and let my head drift forward just a bit so my lips touched his again. It was sweet, full of a promise he couldn't put into words.

"I'm glad." He pulled back and gave me a gentle squeeze to the hand he was already holding. I smiled and started to stand, him following me lead.

"I'll walk you home."

"Alright." I said, gazing up into his eyes and enjoying the smile on his lips. "But no running. My leg's already hurting enough from all the walking I've done today."

"How about a piggyback?" It was my turn to give him a sceptical look.

"You're not that fit."

"Aw, c'mon, I won't drop ya." He promised, giving me his biggest smile. I took a small running start and hopped up onto his back, feeling his arms circle around my legs. He carried me the rest of the way home, without any complaint. When we got there, he let me down gently and turned immediately to hug me.

"I'm not leaving Pony." I laughed as his hug tightened. He stepped back and kissed me again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course." I said, watching him walk down the path to the sidewalk and giving a small wave before continuing on. Stepping inside, I closed the door and leaned against it. Everything was going to be fine, and this time it was going to stay that way.

**AU: Guess what? Only one more chapter left. :O The Epilogue and that's it! I hope you all enjoyed it. I know the end was a bit 'happily ever after' like, but hey, this wasn't meant to be a completely depressing story. **


	19. The Epilogue

**Alright. So, here's the epilogue. It isn't super long and is just basically just an end to the "father's other family" thing. If I do decide to write a sequel, it will probably be awhile because I'm working on another story right now, but truth be told… there probably is going to be a sequel at one point. I just gotta get my thoughts together and such. Anyway, enjoy:D**

I cleared my throat experimentally as we slowly made our way down the unfamiliar street. Serenity was tense beside me in the drivers seat, her face trying to stay neutral. The car trekked along at a slow pace, and both of us, I'm sure, wanted to simply turn around and leave. Leaves floated down and pressed gently against the window before falling down to the ground softly. It made the street look like a sunset, a mural of gently oranges and rebellious reds. Serenity suddenly turned and pulled slowly into the driveway of a larger house. I watched the door of the garage sullenly and waited for Serenity to say something. I didn't want to be here, she didn't want to be here, and I didn't understand why this even had to happen.

"Well…" Serenity said, her voice shaking slightly, but still professional, "We better go in. They're expecting us." I placed my hand on the handle of the door, but find I didn't have the will to push it down and swing the door open.

"We could just leave and say we couldn't find the address…"

"Camille…" Serenity warned, "She'll come get you, she is your family."

"No, she's not."

"Those are you're half siblings." Serenity soothed, "and your step mom." I let my hand drop from the door.

"It's my life, I don't have to meet them."

"They won't want to do anything against your will. Give them a chance."

"I can't." I said, staring at my hand as I fiddled with my fingers. It was quiet for another minute or so, and I stole a glance at Serenity. She stared out the windshield as a small bug scuttled along it. Her eyes were hard, concentrated, and I watched as it crumbled painstakingly. It hit me then that this all could've had a larger effect on her. She had to take care of two kids, when I was suppose to be helping her. I had created more problems than I'd been fixing. It made my heart drop and impulsively I opened the door forcefully. Her eyes glanced over at me, blank.

"Let's go." I said, despite how dry my mouth seemed to be. When I stepped out, the cool air bit at my cheeks and I shifted my jacket, my hand brushing against a piece of paper in my pocket. A smile lit across my face at the thought. Pony had written it for me. It was a poem and I loved it. I hadn't told him what was going on, I'd only assumed it wouldn't have been a good idea. Serenity was watching me from the other side of the car and I cleared my throat again, strident purposely towards the front door. I let my hand knock and Serenity laid a hand on my shoulder, but let it fall back to her side when the door opened.

"You must be Camille." The woman said, wiping her hands on an apron she wore. I expected her to be someone more elegant, more fragile. There was no doubting the beauty she did possess, since her warm brown eyes matched her hair in a comforting form that was like hot chocolate. Her nails were chipped, I noted, and there were scars on her hands. None the less, her fingers were slender.

"Yes." Serenity said behind me, "And I'm Serenity." The woman reached a hand and I watched them shake hands, my own shaking. They pulled back and for a moment, there was silence, before the woman stepped back into her home and spread an arm out before her.

"Come in." I closed my eyes and when I opened them, the woman was watching me with concern, but Serenity pushed me forward before I could say anything. The house was surprisingly messy, toys strewn all over the floor and the carpet had dark patches from stains. When the door snapped shut behind me, I suddenly felt trapped and tensed noticeably. A hand was placed on my shoulder and over my shoulder I smiled, expecting Serenity, but it wasn't. It was this woman, smiling at me caringly. I pulled away. I didn't want this woman near me. A squeal interrupted the next moment and a little girl ran into the room, followed by an older boy, around my age, who picked her up and spun her as she laughed. I watched and suddenly imagined the boy as my father and tears sprung to my eyes. I bet he did that with these kids, I bet he cared for them.

"Damien." The woman said, "put your sister down, we have visitors." Damien glanced over and suddenly a frown marred his features.

"So what." Damien said, and carried the girl out of the room.

"Sorry." The woman said, although I knew she didn't mean it. She couldn't mean something she probably wanted to say herself. "Let's go sit down in the living room." I followed her, kicking my shoes off by the door, leaving them in a dishevelled pile before following behind Serenity. A second later, I spun on my heel and kneeled down to rearrange them. I kneeled there for a moment longer and then stood, taking a deep breath as I faced the wall. I then turned and walked to the right, almost hitting someone.

"Woah." The boy said, dragging it out as he stumbled back. Looking up, which wasn't much of a stretch, he was tall for a ten year old, he smiled. "You must be my other sister." Half-sister. I wanted to remind him. I didn't.

"Yeah." I said, scuffling my socked foot against the carpet.

"You staying long?" He spoke differently than the people I knew. He pronounced his 'ing' fully and didn't pronounce it 'in'.

"No, not really. Just for a few hours."

"Too bad." He said, waving a hand. "You seem okay." I've said three sentences too him and he thinks I'm 'okay'? This kid trusts easy.

"Leave 'er alone, Mark." Damien came around the corner, still frowning. "Don't make her stay longer than she wants to." He sneered and I flushed again. Mark watched his brother before shrugging and turning to me.

"I don't care what he says." Mark scowls, and I watched Damien's face, as it stayed neutral and watching me. "I don't listen to him."

"Good." I said, "It's good to not let others control you."

Damien snorted, "Control him? Keep him outta trouble is more like it. How long a record do you got, hood?" I froze and looked up at him. He talked the same as I did, but he wasn't involved in any of the experiences I had.

"I don't have one." I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Bullshit." He said, Mark rolled his eyes.

"Say what you want, it's true."

"So you're a liar as well as a thief." I was about to retort something back when Serenity and the woman, who I assumed to be Rose now that I thought about it, came back.

"Just giving our guest a proper welcome." Damien said, before running up the stairs. Mark followed, giving me a wave before he did.

"Sorry about that." Rose said, and once again I knew she didn't mean it. "Now c'mon."

----

Serenity and I were on our was back to Tulsa and I felt my heart beat slow and my muscles slowly unravel. Rose had been nice about everything and even though I wasn't talking, she said she wanted me to come visit again. Serenity said we would, but I wasn't sure how much of a deal we could keep that up. She could always come visit us too. We hadn't mentioned anything about my father and Rose made sure to only talk about the kids and what she knew about me. When I managed to ask her what she wanted to do with me, she'd given me a strange look.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to make me come live with you?" I asked, eyes starting to glaze with tears. Her face stayed passive, but she shook her head gently.

"No, but I want you to come visit." I hadn't been so tense for the rest of the visit, but I couldn't help wanting to get out of there. I wanted to be back home with Ponyboy and the gang, living with Sam and Serenity. I wanted to be nowhere near my problems when I thought they were already solved.

Serenity was still beside me, not speaking, just staring at the roads. I was thankful that she left me to my own thoughts. We arrived back in Tulsa an hour later and I finally breathed a sigh of relief I hadn't been holding. My mind had been so put on the fact that Rose would've made me stay there with her, that I never would've seen Tulsa again. I'm glad I was wrong.

We drove up to the Curtis house and I felt a smile lift onto my face. Pony was outside, smoking a cigarette, and watching the car. In the next moment, before either Serenity or I could open our doors, Sam came running out and opened the back door. I opened mine and got out, telling Serenity I would be home later. Sam waved encouragingly from the backseat as they pulled away and I smiled, waving back as they drove out of sight. Turning to Ponyboy, I saw he was still watching me, the cigarette in his mouth. Walking over, I grabbed it and gently took it out of his mouth, but quickly.

"Hey!" He said, jumping up to grab it, he was taller than me so I quickly through it on the ground and stepped on it. He shoved his hands in his pockets and scowled. I gently put my hands on each side of his face and made him look at me.

"Pony, that can't be good for you." I pointedly stared at him, but he rolled his eyes and leaned in for a kiss. I pulled back and stuck up a finger in front of his face.

"No way, you smell like smoke!" I grinned and Pony grabbed my wrist gently, leaning in to capture my lips anyway. We kissed softly for a moment before he pulled away.

"Where do you want to go?" I tilted my head up at him and took a step in so I could wrap my arms around him.

"Anywhere really." I answered. I felt him sigh and laughed a little. I didn't care where we meant, just as long as we stayed together. I had him, Sam, Serenity, and the rest of the gang. My father was in jail. I'd found out the truth about my mother's death. All the pieces fit.

"Thank you Ponyboy." I whispered into his chest, but he heard it anyway.

"For what?"

"For…" I paused and looked up. "being here." Then I sealed my words with tenderness he gladly accepted.


End file.
